Together As Mutants (Book Six)

CXVI. Struggles

Sarina feels like she's going numb. More than that, she feels like a complete failure. She feels like a failure as a wife, as a mutant, even just as a woman in general.

Usually, the cyborg tends to become emotionless only when she's trying too hard to hide her emotions. Recently, she always has a straight face. There's nothing; no smiles, no laughter, not even tears. Unlike her past self, she isn't talkative either. She just goes about her day-to-day routine, trying to act like nothing is wrong.

Of course, everyone can see that she is far from alright, and no one sees it more than Donatello. She hardly talks to him either, and whenever he tries, she just breaks down again. He knows that whenever she sees him, it reminds her that she failed him as his wife. He doesn't feel that way, but no amount of talking will break her out of it.

When it comes to the bottom line, she wants a baby. She wants a little boy or girl to hug and kiss and, yes, even wake up in the wee hours of the morning just to care for. Anything would be better than this.

Every time she sees Destiny wander by with her baby bump growing, every time she sees Taylor and Annalise talking to one another about remedies to help with their morning sickness, it just makes Sarina sadder and sadder. That's what she wants, and she can't have it.

Maybe if the other women weren't pregnant, it would help. Maybe if it was just Destiny having a baby then it would be easier for her to handle, but no, she has to sit by and watch them, all going through different stages at different times.

It hurts more than anything has before, or so that's how she thinks.

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Donatello pushes the door open to their bedroom, his face falling when he sees Sarina curled up on the bed. She's completely cocooned in the blankets, her face buried in the tear-soaked pillow. The purple-masked turtle goes in and shuts the door, not bothering to turn on the light.

He places the paper in his hand down on the bedside table before he climbs onto the bed. He burrows underneath the blanket, moving closer and closer until her back rests against his chest. She makes a soft choked sound, tensing against him.

He wraps his arms around her, holding her against him as he shuts his eyes. He presses a few tender kisses to her neck, but she's as unresponsive as ever.

"Sarina, can we please talk? I don't like this silence," he pleads.

"What is there to say?" she asks, her voice weak and heartbroken.

"Much," he answers. She doesn't respond, making him sigh as he presses his nose between her shoulder blades, right near her little snowflake tattoos. "Look, I know this is hard for us, but I've got something that can help."

"You already tried dressing up Metalhead as a baby. Not amused," she mumbles.

He doesn't respond to her comment and continues. "I called up the orphanage and asked about babies. Really little babies, of course, like ones whose mom died in childbirth or for some other reason." She shifts a little, her body losing some tenseness. He smiles a tiny bit. "They didn't have any at the moment, but I put us on a call list. If new babies arrive, we'll be the first ones they call."

Sarina rolls over, her face taking on an air of hope. "You really did that?"

He nods. "I also did an interview or two...I explained our predicament and the staff just about burst out crying. There's paperwork and legal stuff to be done, but bottom line is..." He smiles as he brushes his hand along her circuit-patterned cheek. "If we can't have kids, why not adopt one and give them a family?"

Her eyes fill with tears as a tiny smile rests on her lips. She nods, moving closer to him and cuddling right up against his plastron. He wraps his arms around her, wanting to hold her as close to him as possible.

"I love you so much," he whispers, kissing the top of her head.

She takes a deep breath. "I love you too."