𝙗𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝙛𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙨 (𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙨 𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙞𝙙𝙚) || hsmtmts au

44. one last time

N I N I 'S P O V
..

"nini?" ricky says, looking straight ahead at the dark road while he drives us back.

"yeah, ricky?" i say, both of our voices low and soft, barely above a whisper.

he holds in his breath, "did i even have a chance?"

"..of course you did, are you kidding? if you had told me before.." i whisper, not on purpose but because this just isn't the type of thing you scream from a rooftop when you have a boyfriend.

i see his adam's apple bob as he swallows hard, waiting for me to say more.

"i mean..you're my other half, ricky. you get me, and you actually care, even when there's nothing in it for you. and that kind of thing..it's just so hard to find. but i did. so if you had just told me, or tried to do what we just did..i wouldn't even have had to think about it. i'm not that stupid, i think you're my soulmate. but.."

"but..?"

"but i think we did it wrong. because everything shouldn't be this messed up. it should be easy."

"no, nini, none of this was ever supposed to be easy. it never was, and it never will be. and it's not like you're happy, because it'd be different if you were. i'd suck it up and be happy if you were happy. but you're not."

"you don't know that."

"no, i know better than anyone, because i'm the one you go to to pick up the pieces when he hurts you-which i'll do whenever you need me to. but nini, the guy gave you a fucking eating disorder! not to mention how he cheats on you every chance he gets, and he treats you like you're his pet goldfish or something. and now he has you thinking that that's what you should get?! i don't get it-"

"because that is what i should get! look at what i did, i somehow managed to hurt you, gina, and e.j at the same time-and to top it all off, i'm so stupid i didn't even realize i was doing it! i'm not a good-"

"nina, no. no, no, nonono. i don't think someone who's a bad person takes the time out of her weekends to individually bake all the people in her life their favorite foods, or come over and hold when i'm anxious, or care so much about someone who doesn't do the same for you that you're willing to just flat out not be happy to do what he wants you to! i'm not even just saying that you'd be happy with me, i'm saying anyone but him."

"ricky.."

"and i'm sorry if that was harsh, i'm not saying all that to hurt you, i just..i need you to know you're so much better than him. you deserve the world, bub. and if you don't love me like that you can just say it, i won't be hurt. it'll be better to have have closure-"

"you know i do, more than anything."

"then why can't we be together like that?"

"because e.j loves me, too. and i might not ever love him like..like you, but you don't understand. if i broke things off with e.j again, he'd lose it. especially right now."

"what?"

"do you know how many times he's threatened to hurt himself if i tried anything? or threatened to hurt me? it's better just to leave things the way they are. but ricky, you have no idea how much your friendship means to me-"

"no..no, nini. we stopped being friends a long time ago."

look, i know this looks stupid. i know i'm going to walk out of this car and never feel the way i feel when i'm with ricky again, and i'll probably regret that for forever. but i also won't be able to live with myself if i break e.j's heart.

R I C K Y 'S P O V

i look over at her for a second as i drive, a few tears running down her cheeks. but there's really no point in trying to wipe them when you're soaking wet from the rain outside. she's silent for a moment, probably knowing i'm right.

"i want..i can't-i just..he'll.."

"yeah.." i choke out. i know i'll never love anyone the way i love nini, but if i'm really in love with her, i have to respect what she wants.

"so..is this it?" i say as i pull up in front of ashlyn's house, the two of us staring at each other in the two front seats.

"you're not coming back in?"

"i probably shouldn't, my flight's in a little while."

i fight back the tears in my eyes, because the literal love of my life is about to go off and live her life with someone who could never make her happy, and she still can't even see it.

nini nods painfully before she slowly leans over the console, squeezing my hand as she gently kisses my cheek. she moves down ever so slightly, kissing the corner of my mouth before i tilt my face completely to kiss her just one last time before i have to go away (i figure that we already did this anyway, the damage has already been done).

she kisses me back automatically and brings her hand back up to my jaw, the two of us practically melting into each other. it's slower than before, the moment so perfect but so painful knowing that right after this i probably won't see her again for who knows how long-and even when i do, it won't be the same. you can't just go back to being friends with someone after something like that, especially if they're moving across the country.

we mutually pull away just a little before nini immediately moves to pull me into a tight hug. i bring my hand to her back, rubbing it with my thumb comfortingly (although i'm on the verge of a breakdown myself). i've never had to say goodbye to nini like this-we've always been attached at the hip. i honestly don't know how i'll function without her, i mean..she's literally my other half.

but i guess that's just the way life works. i'm sure i'll learn to deal with it, but i know i'll never be able to fill the holes in my life that are inevitably going to be empty without her.

"i love you, luvie. so much," i whisper into her ear, squeezing her tight.

"i love you, too," she sniffles, "call me when you get there?"

i nod painfully as she pulls away, watching her slowly open the car door and hop out. she gives me the best smile she can do at the moment while i do the same, waving to her before she shuts the door and makes her way inside.