𝙗𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝙛𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙨 (𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙨 𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙞𝙙𝙚) || hsmtmts au

22. good 4 u

N I N I 'S P O V

FIVE DAYS LATER.

"i'm just saying, people get married to strangers they met, like, on omegle all the time. i mean, that's a bigger insult to marriage than two gay guys tying the knot," carlos says, sipping on his drink at lunch. i know i should be engaged in the conversation, but..my mind is just a complete mess right now.

i guess this week has been really different from what i'm used to and..i don't know.

for example; i'm sitting at seb, carlos, and ashlyn's table because no one was sitting at the one i typically eat at (with red, kourtney, and ricky). gina normally sits with her cheerleading friends, but she's no where in sight either. red decided to sit here too, him and ashlyn sharing their lunch-

oh, here they come.

gina and ricky, walking hand in hand after most definitely making out right in the hallway for ten minutes before lunch. this has been normal behavior for them this past week, and..i guess i'm just not used to it.

TUESDAY (three days ago)

i walk down the hallway with my textbooks clung to my chest, on my way over to ricky's locker as usual to see if he can take me home instead of e.j today (i'll tell you why later). instead of seeing ricky grabbing his backpack when i round the corner though, i see gina flirtatiously shutting his locker for him. as if the action was literally on some kind of cue, i see gina grab his hand and (not so) nonchalantly put it in her back jean pocket. ricky looks down at her with wide eyes before she nudges him, pulling him closer by his t-shirt.

i put my smile right back on and immediately turn around, deciding to just not bother them. i'll just bite the bullet and ride with e.j. because like i said; i'm happy for them. really.

WEDNESDAY (two days ago)

"hey nean-bean," ricky sighs out with a smile, leaning up against the locker next to mine to talk to me while i'm gathering my things.

"hey ri-woah, did you get into a fight or something?" i respond, my eyes immediately darting down to the dark purple mark ricky's neck.

"hm? oh..gina did that," he says, which makes my face sink for some reason. they've been together for only a few days, and they've already started doing that kind of thing?

"oh. cool," i mutter, pretending like i need something else from my locker because i genuinely do not know how to converse with him with that in full view.

"yeah, she's..uh..yeah."

"so are you guys, like, dating now or.."

he presses his lips together in a thin line, "uhm..yeah, i think so. gina's really..cool."

"cool?" i laugh out, still searching my locker for whatever made up item so i don't have to make eye contact with him (i don't even really know why, that just feels hard right now).

"yeah, she's..uh, great. really great."

"good for you, ricky. you guys are cute together."

i smile at him with clenched teeth, looking him up and down before shutting my locker and heading off to class.

THURSDAY (yesterday)

i'm sitting in the passengers seat of gina's car, her having agreed to go on a dunkin run with me after school to get some coffee. what i thought would be a fun girls trip with my friend quickly turned into gina calling ricky the entire time.

"you hang up first.." she giggles, "..no, you hang up first!...ricky!...i'm not hanging up, babe, so if you wanna go you'll have to...baby, i swear...shut up, silly goose!"

i feel the (way too familiar at this point) feeling of my jaw clenching at the sound of her use of my pet name that *i* call ricky. he's my silly goose-

stop it, nini!

it's fine, she can call him whatever she wants. i don't own the words silly goose, thats all they are; words. they're dating now, that's what she gets to call him. it's cool. it's great, they have pet names for each other. it's cute.

PRESENT DAY

i don't even know why this has me feeling so off, this is all i've wanted for ricky for the past few months. and they're happy, so i should be happy-i mean, i am happy, that's not..it's not like i'd want to be with ricky or gina, i'm with e.j.

although, between you and me, i was planning on calling it off with e.j on sunday.

that's the real reason why i wanted to go to ashlyn's party. i mean, did you really think i'd subject myself to be in a room filled with sweaty teenagers instead of watching movies and cuddling with ricky in my room all night unless i had to? i figured it'd be the right thing to do in person, but..i don't know. after everything that happened at that party, i just decided maybe i should give him another chance. he's just got a lot of home stuff going on, and i know that doesn't excuse anything, but..things just aren't what they look like. i promise.

anyway, like i was saying; ricky's my best friend. and gina's gina. but it's just like..weird to see him with her, you know?

like..i don't want to be with ricky, but i hate to picture him doing that with gina.

does that make sense? i don't know, i probably sound crazy. it's just..i had the biggest crush on him for like, two years, right? i tried hinting at it, i tried making moves, i tried everything. i mean..he just wasn't interested. so what makes gina so much better?-or in ricky's words, great.

i guess i kind of get it though, i mean, she's gina porter.

like i said; she's great where i'm just good. she's good at science where i have to make ricky give me all the answers. she's beautiful where i'm just average, and she's skinny without trying where i'm..not. she's gina and i'm just me. and i'll never be like that, no matter how hard i try-

"what do you think, nins?" one of them says, snapping me back into reality.

"hm?"

"what do you think?"

"oh, about, uh..medicare for all?"

"no, we're talking about the trans kid sports ban," seb tells me.

"totally for it," i say.

"you mean against it?" carlos corrects.

"girl, where have you been the past five minutes?" seb jokes, which makes the three of us laugh.

"sorry, i kind of just..blanked out."

"whatever you say, hun."