Letters to Calum

Ending

Dear Dani,

I am speechless. I've bawled so hard these past hours, I'm out of tears. Why would you do this to me? Shit, what am I even saying? Why did I do this to you? You deserve to know everything. You're currently in a coma, and I wanted to finally write you back for if you ever wake up.. Baby I'll be right by your side if you wake up.. If.

But I'll always be here now. I'm free again.. And now you deserve to know everything.

Do you remember George? He was my good friend with the scar on his forehead. You never liked him, and I could tell. He never liked you either. I didn't mean to get myself into this, but I was in a gang with George. At first it was petty things, like vandalizing with spray paint and partying and just stupid shit like that. But then it got more serious. They started hacking, and that led to robbing, and then eventually that led, to murder.

I betrayed the gang by leaving without notice. Twice. When we went to Georgia and Australia. I knew George was dangerous, but I figured if we left maybe they'd forget about me and just be like, "fuck Calum," and forget everything. But no. We returned, and George demanded money from me. Two million for each time I left. They threatened your life upon it. I couldn't let you be hurt, and I couldn't tell you. George told me if I told you, he would end us both. He couldn't risk letting the gang get caught.

It was a stupid fucking thing, I know. It was so unbelievably stupid of me to join a gang. I should've known. I cried before I flew the country that morning, imagining your face as you woke up and I was gone.

My eyes were red and puffy as I left the airport, a new name and life for me arranged. I lived two years in Amsterdam, halfway across the world. My heart hurt more with each step i took, but I knew it was best for the both of us. Fuck, Dani. If only I could've told you. Something. Anything. But I couldn't. And now you're almost gone. I can't believe I caused this..

Fuck, babe. I need you to wake up. And see my face. Please, wake up. For me, baby. This is what you wanted.. I promise we'll be okay this time. Michael's an emotional wreck. Do you not see what you're doing? Yeah, you're right. There's not many of us lovers of you, but there's enough to matter. Please, I don't know what I'm going to do if you're gone.

I read every single letter you wrote me, by the way. And each letter caused another tear to shed. I debated cutting, again. Am I feeling the way you did? Not knowing what's gonna happen, if you can hear me or not? Shit, what am I even saying? I can't even begin to compare to how you felt.

Dani, I regret everything. If I could go back in time and change joining that dumbass gang, I would. But now the gang is arrested and caught in prison, and they're not getting out. I'm not in any danger, nor are you. Please baby, wake up..

I love you more than anything..

Please. Wake. Up.

Love,

Calum