Ravens and Crows

Chapter 31 ~Adam~

I couldn't get into Ronan's dreams last night, and I had to admit it put me on edge. I was hoping to wish Ronan 'good luck' one more time before he had to go fight flaming pirates. But, of course, my luck wasn't that strong.

I drove to school in the morning after checking on Opal and promising to bring her back some 'fun leaves' from the campus (to eat or to collect, I wasn't sure yet). Gansey was waiting for me by the Pig when I got there.

"Where's Henry?" I asked by way of greeting.

Gansey shrugged, he looked more tired than usual. "Said something about babysitting being too taxing and taking first off."

I could hear Ronan in my mind mumbling something along the lines of 'what a fucking baby, he should try babysitting himself', but I kept it in my mind. "Did you have a hard time sleeping last night?" I knew Gansey was an insomniac- I've seen cardboard Henrietta- but he looked especially tired today.

"Oh, it's nothing," Gansey said as we headed toward the school building. "Just the demons of my mind deciding to rehash everything I said and did wrong in the last twenty-four hours."

I winced a little, I was aware that a lot of the time I had been the cause of sleepless nights and mind demons, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel bad about it. "Is it because of the rep meeting?"

"I think so. It didn't help that my parents and Helen kept trying to call me."

"Maybe they just wanted to make sure you were okay, we did leave in a bit of a hurry." I offered, knowing he would assume the worst and think they were calling to berate him.

Gansey didn't say anything for a stretch of the walk, then stopped and turned to me. "They're right, you know, it was pointless. All this work with Glendower. The years, the money, and what do I really have to show for it? No body. No wish. No new found sense of purpose. Just more thoughts and doubts swimming in my already destructive mind."

I blinked at Gansey. It was times like these, when he let himself just be Gansey, that I found it insanely hard to believe how mad I used to get at him. Gansey was a mess at his core. A man who spent his whole life chasing for a magic that happened to everyone around him, but him. He was a guy who stayed up late with his doubts and regrets while everyone around him brushed off his wording as his rich upbringing. He risked everything for the people he cared about and for a long time, though I'm ashamed to admit it, the people he cared about wouldn't have done the same for him. Yet, some how, he was the person I always managed to get mad at when I didn't want to be mad at myself. All because he was such a mess, such a two sided coin, and he had gotten too good at flipping himself around me so that we could focus on my issues, and not his.

But I was done with that. My issues we solved, for the most part. I had a place to stay where I didn't have to worry about getting beat, I had two jobs, a diploma in sight, a family I'd made on my own, and a boyfriend I would never have imagined having but could never imagine giving away.

Which meant it was time to help Gansey.

"They're not right." I said sharply, and Gansey looked at me in surprise. "It wasn't for nothing. Maybe we didn't find Glendower alive, but we found his daughter, and his old adviser, who happens to be Blue's dad. We found out about Noah, and Cabeswater, and Ronan and his whole...thing. I mean, honestly, do you think he would've told us he was a dreamer if we weren't already knee deep in this type of crap? Because I don't. We found Blue because of your king searching, who is your girlfriend, may I mind you. And you found me too, I know you already knew Ronan. And I made a deal with my boyfriends dream forest, and you killed a demon, and there was an assassin roaming around, and Kavinsky, and Henry's bee thing. Malory and his...thing." I shook my head as I started to rant.