Doctor, Doctor, Can you fix my broken heart?

Chapter 18

A/N: so after having to go into hospial myself, which I have to say was not in the least bit entertaining as I looked like shit and managed to run into far too many people I knew I have been given time off. So I decided to make use of my banishment to the sofa by writing more :) hopfully i will have yet another chapter up within the next few days too!! 

Chapter 18

My eyes felt as though I had rubbed them with sandpaper, my throat raw and my palms scratched and sore from fisting my hands so tight. For a moment I was suspended in a surreal moment where I was unsure as to why I felt these different sensations, and why I was lying on a bare mattress with only an old blanket for comfort. Then I remembered. Lexi. The pain that hit was intense. I felt like my broken heart had shattered so badly nothing could ever heal it again. I wanted to cry again but it seemed I had ran out of any remaining fluid which could form tears. I sat up and stared numbly at the wall unsure of the time or how long I was there for. Part of me was still in denial, I was sure I had seen signs, I was positive. Lexi had cried when she had left me I was sure, and I couldn’t wipe away the look of her fear when she had looked at me. It had only been a few seconds but it was definitely fear I saw, or was it. Perhaps I had wanted to see fear and it had been disgust. In the distance of the flat I vaguely heard the movement of my two housemates but it didn’t really register in my mind, I knew they would leave me alone if I didn’t appear from my room. I wanted companionship yet I detested the thought that I needed it. I wanted to be left alone to wallow in my own self-pity. Collapsing back onto the bed and curling into the foetal position I sniffed and let my hand wander until it found my phone. Flicking on to the music section and with practiced fingers I found the song I wanted. Playing it and pressing the repeat button, I chewed on my lip and felt tears prick at my eyes unsure where this new wave had come from. I imagined listening to this would help, it had before.

Turning the sound up I pulled the blanket over my head and whimpered into the bare mattress, “she’s a bitch and I’m fool,” fresh tears spilt from my eyes as sobbed the well known lyrics “I’m fool she loves me not.” I refused to wipe away the tears letting them leave salty tracks down my cheeks and over my lips. “felt li…like a… a movie… wh… when you… waked out… sl…slowly.” my sad rendition to the song muttered into my hand was a poor imitation of Sparks the Rescue, each word punctured by a sob and a tremor of my whole body. By the fourth repeat I gave up and just sniffed repeatedly having run out of tears again. It as this moment that my bedroom door was flung open and with a large crash it slammed into the wall beside it.

“WHAT THE FUCK HAS SHE DONE?!” I heard Loz’s angry tone and sat up stiffly. Standing in my door was both Loz and Ty. The tone of her voice matched the fiercely angry expression she wore, Ty on the other hand was gazing at my floor where all my bedding lay with a look of concern.

“Well?” Loz questioned as she led the march over to me, she snatched up the phone and paused the music. “Damn it Jenn answer me! You’re listening to that god-dammed song again. We had to endure weeks of it on repeat after Jade. Now what the hell happened?! Is this why you went back to your Mum’s?” She looked at me expectantly, eyes narrowed waiting for the answer. “If she’s hurt you I will fucking kill her! I knew there was a reason I didn’t like her much.” Loz began to walk up and down next to me as I watched in disbelief.

“Jenn you can’t deny your upset about something. We just want to help.” Ty smiled at me and sat on the edge of the bed his large warm hand enveloping mine giving a sense of security.

I gazed at his hand and sniffed, “I broke the rules.” Both Ty and Loz looked on in confusion.

“What?!” Loz frowned staring at me, if she concentrates on me any harder she will have smoke coming from her ears I thought.