Doctor, Doctor, Can you fix my broken heart?

Chapter 23

A/N: So this is it the last chapter :) I hope you like it and Thanks for reading :)

Chapter 23

(Lexi's POV)

I gazed at the ceiling of my bedroom wallowing in self-pity and loathing. I had managed to fuck up the best thing that had ever happened to me and now I didn't know where I stood. I had hoped after the police finally kicked in the door of that basement that I could make things right with Jenn, but she hadn't even given me the chance. The last words she spoke to me still lingered in my ears and I had nothing to do for the past two weeks but relive each and every moment of those horrific days locked in Logan's hideout. And still the worst part about the entire ordeal had been watching Jenn walk away after saying "I just need time Lexi."

I groaned and rolled over, it was barely six am and I had been awake again for over an hour. I had given Jenn two weeks, two whole weeks waiting for her to come to me to talk just like she said she would. But I had obviously fucked up more then I realised when I had looked her straight in the eye and told her that I had no feelings for her. I realised that she really didn't believe me when I had told her I loved her in the hospital canteen. The words "Don't worry if it fades with the adrenaline." Lingered with me. It hadn't in fact. My feelings had only increased exponentially with every passing moment. It had only made me feel worse that I couldn't talk to Jenn and was stuck in my flat with the TV and occasionally Matthew, Sarah and little Kylie for company. Cabin fever had set in and I felt like I was going mad. Mathew didn't really help either when he came round to try cheer me up. He was pretty blunt when he told me Jenn's reluctance to believe me was my own fault. I cringed at what I had said to her. "You were just a good fuck who was fun to hang out with as well." My fears continued to build when Sarah had told me if Matthew had ever said that to her she would never have given him a second chance. Only little Kylie had managed to make me feel any better by saying "If she loves you Auntie Lexi then she has to come back its how it works." And she is five so really I can't listen to her advice.

Screaming into my pillow to let out the frustration at myself made me feel only marginally better. My parents had taught me to harden my heart, and after all the problems with Jerry my Ex I just knew I couldn't make the mistake of letting someone too close again. Jenn, well, she just tore all that down. I let her get so close, I fell so totally head over heels for her and then freaked out when she admitted the same to me. I ran away rather than stand up and face the true strength of my feelings. I wanted to scream again at the unfairness of the situation. I had turned around, I was making my way back to tell Jenn I was sorry that I did love her I was just terrified and didn't want to lose her and admitting my feelings then made that a real possibility. Then that bastard had kidnapped me. Those five days stuck in that hellhole had felt like months, and the horror of stitching Jenn after that lunatic had cut her. I swallowed down bile as I remembered the feel of her blood on my hands and metallic stench of it filling my nose, trying to force down the panic that had been rising in my chest and thinking I would lose her forever. No amount of work in the ED and seeing traumas could have prepared me for that particular horror. Yes, I had seen much worse, and yes, I had stitched worse wounds. But nothing could prepare you to have the one person you loved more than life itself bleeding out all over your hands. I had tried to keep calm but on the inside I had been screaming in fear.

After reliving the nightmare for the hundredth time I made a decision. I had to talk to her, I had to explain properly without her running out on me. I rolled over to my night stand and grabbed my phone before trying to call her. Despite the early time I just couldn't wait to hear her voice. "Fuck." The expletive fell from my mouth as it went to answer phone. I called three more times and sent as many text messages before trying her landline to her flat.