A Year Of Hope

This may sound odd, but it pained me a bit to part with my old car.

Don't get me wrong, a BMW is nice, but it felt far too flashy for me. My old car also held so many wonderful memories, particularly ones with Jane and Sam. 

I decided I was going to donate my old car, instead of doing what some may do and selling it. Selling it just didn't feel right, especially when I wasn't in need of money. I took great care to clean and maintenance my old Civic before parting with it.

 Jane and Sam found it absurd that I would want to donate my car instead of selling it, and they confronted me about it as I cleaned it out.

"Why don't you sell it?" Sam asked. 

I shrugged. "I have a new car that's insured, and bills are all paid. I don't need anything else."

"But you can always have extra money just for spending? You never really buy anything for yourself," Jane brought up. "You always just pay your bills, or spend your money on me, or on doing small things like going out to dinner with Sam and I."

I shook my head. "I don't want anything. But if you guys want, I can transfer the title over to you and you guys can just split the money. I doubt it'll be much. Maybe $2000 if you're lucky."

But they both refused, so I ended up just donating it.

When I drove to school the next week, I happened to pull in at the same time as Dr. Van, who yelled, "Nice ride Cai! Didn't peg you as that type."

I shook my head, "I'm not, really. I don't really have time to explain it now. Maybe after your class?"

"Well, I look forward to hearing about it," she grinned at me as she rushed to teach a class, and Sam split ways with Jane and I to attend hers.

And so at the end of that class, Jane and I stayed behind as we had been, and Dr. Van said, "So Mordecai, tell me about the beamer."

I shrugged, "It was a guilt gift from my parents who were largely uninterested in me until a couple weeks ago."

Dr. Van cocked her head and gave me a goofy grin as if she was trying to decipher any hidden message in my wording. Jane ended up explaining how my parents had basically been "refrigerator parents" my whole life, and even the part about my name, and she also talked about the very awkward dinner and going off on my parents. As Dr. Van listened, her grin faded and instead changed to strained and sad. "I'm... I'm so very sorry Cai. I had no idea."

I shrugged, "It never really bothered me. It felt weird for them to show that they cared to be honest. But I know my mom is genuinely remorseful, so I've been doing my best to kindle some sort of relationship, but it feels really odd."

"Wait, you've been texting your mom?" Jane asked. I hadn't been hiding it from her per say, but I didn't tell her, because I knew Jane was protective of me and felt it her responsibility to ensure no one walked all over me since she knew I'd let them. Also she would probably tell me how I was "too good" and I didn't like hearing it partially because I didn't believe it.

"Yeah, not a lot. She wanted to know when I'd see her again and I said I wasn't sure if I was ready for that yet."

"Well even if they did gift you a car, I hope you know you're not obligated to forgive them or forge any sort of relationship with them," Dr. Van told me.

"I know," I replied.

"But do you really, Cai?" Jane asked, touching my shoulder. "Are you doing this out of some weird guilt, or because you want to?