A Year Of Hope

I tried not to, but I was falling hard for Jane.

So when she got in a new relationship, to say it hurt was an understatement, but I tried not to let it show.

Perhaps it was my stupid brains fault. Jane was naturally flirtatious. It wasn't my fault my brain got it confused. Sometimes I would swear I would catch her staring at me with a face of longing, but if I caught her, she would deny it. 

She always asked me if I was interested in anyone to which I would shrug. She would try to press, but I would simply tell her I wasn't ready and that this was one of my few boundaries. This annoyed her but she would respect it.

One day, about two weeks after I moved in, Jane and I were hanging in our abandoned theatre. Her and I were smoking weed and Jane was playing her "Elevated" playlist from her phone. The song "Weather" by Freddie Dredd was playing at this moment.

"I think Sam has a crush," Jane said.

"Hmmm." I answered. I had picked up on it. Our personalities meshed well. We were both cynical introverts. Sam and I had stayed up late some nights while Jane was with her girlfriend discussing philosophy, or watching depressing movies, or walking in the rain. But despite this, I only saw her as a good friend and nothing more. I could tell she was somewhat attracted to me because she decided to wear makeup more often when I was home, and the pitch of her voice slightly elevated when she talked to me as opposed to the pitch of her voice when she talked to Jane. I tried to ensure I made it clear in a subtle way that our relationship was platonic, but it was apparent my hints weren't working. 

"Do you like her?"

"She's nice."

"Yikes," Jane giggled. "That's a no."

"I didn't say that, I said she's nice."

"And that wasn't what I asked."

"Whatever, I don't want to talk about it Jane. Hand me the blunt."

Jane rolled her eyes but she handed it to me. 

"Carlie and I are going to the Fun Park tomorrow night over in the next city! You should come."

"I'll pass. I love you dude, but I'm not a huge fan of third wheeling."

"You won't be third wheeling, Sam will be there too! Plus I really want you to meet Carlie. She's a good one this time I can tell."

I tried not to seem irritated, but I was tired of hearing about Carlie. It wasn't Jane's fault her feelings weren't for me, and I knew this. I knew I was about as interesting as a bolder, so I didn't expect her to feel anything for me. I was lucky enough that she was in my life at all.

It was also blatantly obvious she was trying to force a double date. 

"Are you okay man? You look angry."

I hadn't noticed I had been scowling, and quickly softened my expression. "Sorry, I'm just super hungry I realized." This wasn't a lie. Every time I got high I felt the urge to devour everything within arm's reach, but we had already finished our snacks 30 minutes ago. However, this was not the reason for my angered expression.

Jane put out the blunt and hid it under one of the theatre seats. "Why don't we walk to the fast food place down the street and get a burger, and by the time we finish we should have sobered up enough to drive home."

I nodded and stood up, and reached out my hand for Jane to grab it.

"What do you say though? Will you please come?" she pleaded.

I let out a small sigh and tried to force a smile, but I imagine it looked like more of a grimace.

"Sure. I'll come." I finally said.