Jane and I both liked each other now, and now that we knew. While our friendship, looking back, had always been somewhat romantic, but now it was undeniable. Those moments of silence after laughter we would find ourselves staring longingly at one another, until we one of us would realize what we had been doing and get flustered, and quickly fill the silence one again. One time I slipped on a patch of ice walking to the car in the morning, and Jane tried to help me up , but then Jane slipped on the ice and fell on top of me, her face only inches away from my own, and I wished I could have kissed her, but then we remembered we had to drive to school, and we scrambled to get off the ground.
"When are you going to ask Jane to be your girlfriend?" Sam asked me one evening when her and I were alone.
I had wanted to surely, but I wanted to make sure it was special.
"I need to find the right moment. I don't want it to be an ordinary day when I ask her. It needs to be an important day."
The perfect opportunity arise soon after the poetry circle.
I had written some poems during the workshops, none of which I had liked very much at all. I decided I would write some more at home that weekend, and finally three had I had come to me spontaneous based on two specific. The first poem came to me on a car ride home from work when I saw a dead deer on the side of the road. I saw many dead deer, but this one was fresh, and for some reason irked me. I felt it a subtle reminder of how sudden life could just simply end. And so I wrote a haiku.
Dead deer on the side of the road
Make you realize how sudden
Death could come to you
The next two poems came to me after a day when I felt my darkness returning. Jane could sense something was wrong. She took me to the park downtown. It was partly cloudy and cold, and we walked down the trail of the park for three hours, talking about everything and nothing at once, until we realized we had walked 4 miles, and decided to turn back. This day inspired two more haikus
Life is full of pain
But the fact that you are here
Means the world to me
I'm a bluish gray
Like a partly cloudy day
Sad, yet I'm hopeful
When it came to deciding which poem I would ready, I chose the one I felt would provoke the most emotion. I decided on the first one I had written, although I knew it would be the hardest to read was the one I had put the most heart into, and therefore I would read that one.
The day of the poetry circle, Dr. Van had put all the desks into a large circle. Everyone had to speak four times and give two compliments and two criticisms, and Dr. Van said she would contest others opinions as she felt appropriate. We would start with one person and then we would the person on the right would go, and it would continue in that direction until everyone read their poem.
"Would anyone like to go first?" Dr. Van asked.
Jane's hand shot into the air, "I would like to get mine over with."
Dr. Van nodded, and Jane closed her eyes and sucked in her breath through her teeth before reading her poem.
"I guess you could say I'm distant
But not like you'd really know
Most people know nothing of me
Except the side I choose to show
But if you were asked if you knew
Of any secrets that I hold
Your mind will likely draw a blank
Since none I have really told
YOU ARE READING
A Year Of Hope
General FictionThe suicide letter of Cai, a gray and ordinary man, who tells the story of the colorful and anything but ordinary Jane, who changed his life and gave him hope, even if it were only for a year. AN: This is a work in progress. I'm almost finished writ...
