I wish there was more to say other than I'm sorry about your sister's husband. I'm sorry that it happened and that you found out through a letter. You must know that it isn't your fault. I want you to know that. It is not your fault, William, as much as you want to blame yourself. It's not your fault one bit. You could not have known where he was or what was going to happen. If you take the blame for everything, you will live with the guilt of the world. I wish for you to know that the war takes men that are too young to leave this world, but it is something that neither of us can control.
I've heard that they are moving most troops from France to Belgium soon, though they do not know why. If you are part of the troops that are going, please stay safe. I beg of you to stay safe. I want you to be safe, no I need you to stay safe. I hope you're alright and that you're sleeping through the night, or at least as long as they'll allow you to. A few hours is not enough, especially in the war. You must be at your sharpest to lead your men. You have to stay alive. You said you'd stay alive for me. So, stay alive. That includes taking care of yourself, William. Please eat and sleep. The fact that the English soldiers have a bet going on when the American spirits are going to break shows me that you are bored and unlikely
Just because you're not a natural-born leader, does not mean that you can't lead men. You've proved that point when you said that your men were listening to you. It does not matter if you took my advice, it was you who had to execute the plan. I did none of that. Give yourself more credit than it seems that you have been giving yourself. Tom was a natural leader, yes, but he was too cocky for most to listen to. From what I gathered from Tom's letter and your own, you seem to be the more humble leader. You must see that in yourself or you would have denied the position altogether for a man much more worthy of the job. So, William Schofield, as much as you say you are not a leader, I believe that you are. You're leading a regiment and it seems like you're doing well.
I would offer you more socks, but my mother is fretting over Joseph like he's a newborn child so there's not much time for much else. The army has said that they're going to send more as soon as we have the supplies from America. It must be coming soon, so just wait a few more weeks. I'd make socks, but I've always been so helpless with sewing or knitting. I remember my mother was so upset when my governess told my mother that I'd probably be useless for my entire life. Now I feel useless, watching my mother and my friends' sewing and knitting, while I have no ability to help in the war other than training to be a nurse.
As for the photo, I hope that the one that I put with the letter is alright. There are not many photos of me by myself, and my mother is so afraid that I'll be shot in the street of the town, that none of her children are allowed to leave our property. That seemed to be the only photo I have of myself without Joseph and Tommy. I remember that was Christmas day and Joseph had just gotten a camera for his schooling. I was the test subject for all his experiments with the camera. Behind me is the cherry tree orchard that I told you about. The photo doesn't do it justice, but now you know a bit of what it looks like. If you were home, I'd ask for a photo in return, but I believe that the man next to Tom in the only photo we've received was you, or someone labeled it completely wrong.
It is okay to admit defeat. It's a strong thing to do, especially when it is mental defeat and unseen by most. Though, your past letters are concerning. Is there no one who you can speak with? Even another soldier who has gone through the same thing as you. You've gone through something completely alone, you must be able to ask for someone else who had to deliver a letter. You have every right to be shell shocked, especially since you went across the lands with no stopping and then fought men higher in rank just to get the message to the general. Joseph told me the true tale of your mission. You're too humble, William. Talk to someone, anyone. Try to find someone who will listen. If no one, then write to me. I may not be able to understand half of what happened to you, but I will always be here to listen.
