I arrived in London yesterday and it was everything and nothing like I expected. It's busy, just like you said, and as soon as I was off the train, I was almost swept off my feet by the crowd. Though, once I was out of the way, I was able to take a moment and just breathe and look around. Then I was able to appreciate the beauty that London is. When you speak of it, you never speak of the beauty of the architecture that London holds. Yet, I've seen in the distance, the smoke from the bombings. Apparently, the smoke has not stopped from the first bombing. Apparently, London cannot keep up with how often the bombings are. I passed some destroyed buildings on the way to my lodging, which is so far away from Westminster, I fear I may never get near those buildings.
The hospital has found me lodging with some other nurses. Many of the girls here barely speak, and if they do, it's about our work, but there's a girl that I met, her name is Sophia, from Cornwall, and came here to help with the war effort because her fiance was killed in France. She said that her father told her to either help with the war or to go find another man to marry. I couldn't imagine being in her shoes with a father so cruel. My father is always so supportive of what I want to do and I've not once felt pressured to settle for anything that I do not desire. Sophia said that this was her first time making decisions for herself. Imagine not being able to decide anything for yourself. I simply would not have it.
I've been finding it hard not to think about you in this city. I somehow feel closer to you than I've been just by being in London instead of my small town. It may just be the fact you're the only person that I know that is from London, especially now that I don't get out of my house much, but in my head, it's just Will's City. It slipped out while I was talking to Sophia once. I think she wanted to ask who you were, but I never gave her the chance. How am I supposed to tell her, when I barely know what we are? I know that we are friends, but I feel as if I talked to you as we are more than a friend. Maybe it's because you're the only person, outside of my family, that I speak to on a regular basis.
I feel lost completely in the hospital. They gave us the tour of the entire building and I feel as if none of the information stayed in my head. Sophia agrees with me though and we'll stay together. Though, I don't know how long I'll have if I'm never on time. Joseph wrote to me, telling me that his entire regiment is supporting me and wanting to know what is going on back in London and now I feel as if I will fail them. I feel as if I'll fail Tommy somehow. He was always my more supportive brother. Yes, my parents told me to chase my dreams, but Tommy always told me I could do whatever I wanted, even if it was considered a "man's job," he told me I could always do it. It felt nice knowing I'd always have him on my side. Now, I feel as if Joseph is trying to be that for me and I love it, but I feel as if I've lost all hope of being able to do what I want and not even Joseph's kind words can compare to how Tommy would've rooted for me. I feel lost without him, more than I've realized.
I know you do not need a weeping girl writing to you, you've had it worse and I've no right to complain, I know that, but I feel that you may know how I'm feeling more than my parents or Joseph. You've written to me saying that you sometimes think he's still right beside you, or that you turn to your left and expect him by your side. For me, I always expect a letter from him, talking about his quiet friend that has already seen so much. Or a letter from him explaining that the only reason he chose the army was that he was expecting better food and if I could send him some food, he'd be forever indebted to me.
I hope you're feeling better and that your men are treating you better than last you wrote. I hope they realized that you have no blame and sending you out, by yourself, into enemy territory was a death mission and was set up to fail. I hope that you understand that as well and that you're living without that guilt now. You carry too much on your shoulders. One day it will be your downfall, I just hope you know that I'll be there to pick you back up, no matter how hard you fall.
