If you were to tell me that I would meet a Lance Corporal who would leave me completely enraptured every time he wrote to me, I wouldn't have believed you, but here we are. William Schofield, you have every part of me. I was yours the moment you wrote back to me, vulnerable and completely open with me. You've always had me, before I even knew you had me, I was yours. I will always be yours. You are the reason that I keep faith in this godforsaken time. If I could meet you, in even the worst of times, then there must be something worth living for. You are my reason to keep living and as long as you'll have me, I'll be yours. We can dwell on 'what ifs' and 'if onlys,' but that won't change the past, no matter how hard we try. As for the teasing from your men, you're not alone. Apparently Sophia knows exactly who writes me when, because there is a specific smile just for yours. It's become a custom for me to save your letters until right before I go to sleep. It's almost as if you're with me and not in a trench in France.
Your photo has become the one thing besides my lamp, to sit on top of my nightstand. It has brought me comfort. More than a few times, Sophia has caught me just holding it in my hands. She says it does no good for me to stare at your photo, but I believe the opposite. Your photo reminds me why I am in London in the first place. While you fight in France, I do what I can to aid our men. Your photo gives me strengths to keep going, even after a day such as today.
Today was one of the worst days I've had. We were already packed because of the bombing a few days ago, and then a truckload of soldiers were delivered and we became overwhelmed with soldiers. We were all tired and had to work through the night to care for the wounded. It was fast paced and we lost so many men that I lost count. It was awful. I can't even imagine what you've seen in the trenches. I barely could last all night. The stench was awful. God, William it was awful, how do you do it. I guess you're probably used to it now, the stench, but I don't think I'll ever be used to it. The doctor says that it's usually worse than it was, but because it was raining and a bit windy, the windows were all open and there was more air in the rooms than usual.
A soldier asked me to sit with him, just stay with him until he died. He knew he wasn't going to make it, and he asked me to stay with him. He said that he'd rather have someone who looked like his sister stay with him, then be alone. He spoke of his family back at home. He had a little sister who's birthday was in a few days and he had leave to go home and celebrate with her. He said it was one early step out of the trench and he ended up on a ship back here. I couldn't help, but think of Tom in that moment and I've never been so glad to know that he wasn't alone. I know I've said it before, but I'll probably say it until the day I die. Thank you, William Schofield, for staying with Tommy. Thank you for having a kind heart and making sure that even after he died, he had a bit of home with him. And, thank you for writing to my family.
The other women in the home have gotten friendlier. I think we were all just afraid of what was to come, but they got nicer as the days went on. t I believe that last night made us realize that we need each other to get through this. We all need to just be there for each other. We all ate breakfast together today, something I don't think we've done once since we've all arrived. Sophia said she heard one of the girls crying almost all night. I think most of us are still in shock and taking in what actually happened differently. I feel almost numb, similar to when the soldier's knocked on our door and I knew it was for Tom and not Joseph. It's terrifyingly gruesome and there's no escaping it. I've realized that now. No matter how badly I want to run from this war, there is no hiding away.
I have gotten used to the hospital though, not the screams or the smell, I don't think I'll ever be used to that, but the size of the hospital is now a comfort. It's easy to step away for a moment and never be missed because the hospital is so big, they'll never take the chance in looking for you, because they'll never find you. I've learned the hospital front to back now. They've got us running around the entire building so often, it's become natural to me. Though, London is still unfamiliar. We've had one day to rest so far, and that's all that we did: rest. I never even left the house that day because I was so exhausted from working. Sophia apparently walked around the city and got so lost that she had to ask a wandering soldier for the way home. Apparently, putting two girls who have grown up in a small town and on a farm into a city such as London, is asking for a lot of mistakes and lessons learned. I'll be waiting for my Londoner to teach me the ways of the city. I'll wait for as long as I need to. I'll always wait for you. Come back. Come back to me. I love you.
