By New Year's Eve.

Chapter 13 - Sebastian

You know those mornings when you wake up and instead of feeling the start of a new day all you feel is dread? That's how my week has been going. My exam week to be precise. After the events of last week and the weekend where my sister literally spent all her waking moments out of this house, dread is all I feel. I should say we talked, and I apologized but that didn't really happen. You see every time I tried to say sorry throughout the weekend and this week I couldn't. Not sure why but I just couldn't get the damn words out. So instead, I wrote a letter and gave it to Liv yesterday. Writing that letter was way easier for me than looking at Liv's face and saying sorry. You would think what I did was not that bad, and Liv is being dramatic about it. Maybe she is. But all I know is we have never been like this. I have never ever raised my voice especially to Liv. So now doing that changes things. Weirdly I am sure Liv has been the one helping me always. Whenever I had a crush, or got bullied, or heartbreak or anything. Liv was there for me, hugging me, comforting me. Making me feel like myself slowly. And now it feels like I let her down. I know that's not the case, but it certainly feels like that.

As the morning rolled around and I waited for my alarm to go off while staring at the ceiling all I can feel is dread and anticipation. Not for my exams today. No. It is only for the reaction Liv will give once she faces me at the breakfast table. Today is another Friday. One whole week passed by and I chose the worst possible day to give Liv the letter. Friday is good, you might say. I have the weekend; I can talk to her. We can talk and sort this out. But Friday and weekend also means Liv's opportunity to go out of the house and stay out of the house. I don't know if mom or dad will allow her or not but then again, she is the responsible kind.

Yeah, mom and dad has been around lately. Dad is here and we have seen both of our parents in daylight now for about a week. I am not sure which is more shocking anymore that our parents are in the house or that they are here during daytime? Also, not sure how to react to that? Instead, both of us have been sort of avoiding them. Like politely acknowledging their presence and quietly retreating to our own rooms. If this was any other time when Liv and I were talking, we would have talked about this. This awkwardness we feel in the house now. But since we aren't, I have been staring at the ceiling more and more. Its helping, I think. I hope. I miss my sister. I miss Liv, my best friend. And exams are not making my life any easier.

Mackenzie and I talked but not a lot. She is not really avoiding me, but it feels like that sometimes. I am not sure, but I feel like it is because of Liv like the way I behaved with Liv. Maybe I am wrong. Who knew there would be actual relationship problems even when you're fake dating? Not me certainly. But I like it. Except the part that Mackenzie will not let me kiss her. I have tried like two times and she just turned her face once, then literally shoved her hand onto my face the other time. I tried to talk to her about it, she just avoided the topic. I even asked if it is because we are in this fake relationship, she just laughed. That did not boost my confidence. In fact, it did the opposite. I would have talked to Liv about it had she not been avoiding me. I asked David without the details he just told me to get breath mints and try again. Really helpful David!

I have two exams today and then Monday I have one more and then finally I am done. I am not sure about Liv, but I think her last exam is today. So, she will be done today. Juniors and seniors have gaps in between their exam days whereas freshmen and sophomores have exams every day. Thus, I had an off day yesterday while Liv had two exams. Mackenzie had an off too and I asked her to study with me, she hesitated a little and then declined. Why? She studied with my sister and Liv's a sophomore. I just don't get it. And winter break will be here, and Mackenzie and I will not even get to see each other in school. How will I make her fall in love with me now? I thought I was making progress. Then the rejected kisses happened and then she rejected to study with me. Wait, do I distract her from studying? How could I? But if she starts to like me, she will feel distracted and would not kiss me because she does not want to get confused, or get a heartbreak? That makes sense, right?