By New Year's Eve.

Chapter 30 - Olivia

Happy. I woke up today feeling happy. After what three days I feel like this. Wow. Who knew going to family outing would result in bringing my happiness back? Or maybe it is the fact that we went to Cape Creek and met Charlie and Silver yesterday. Huh that reminds me I have a party to get ready for tonight. I am excited. Even though Charlie categorized it as late Christmas party or early New Year's Eve party. The early New Year's party makes sense to me, but can it be considered a late Christmas party if it is held on what 29th December. Yeah, I don't think so. Huh when did I start thinking Christmas is over? I mean I generally let the decorations stay till at least mid-January when my parents wrote note after note begging me to take them down. And this year because of the fiasco I seem to have lost my Christmas spirit.

That is not happening. I can be mad or hurt with Seb later on. I need to bring back my Christmas spirit and my happiness otherwise I would go down the deep spiral of negative thoughts. That's not a thing I want to do. I mean I sort of have been living there since December 26th. No more. I need to get out of that hole. The black hole of negative emotions and thoughts in my mind. I feel happy today, and I will hold onto this sentiment. I just cannot go back to thinking things that might not even be true. Also, this reminds me I might need to talk to Seb, my brother. Really talk, not let him apologize. But talk like we used to. Okay maybe that won't happen, but we can at least talk about the upcoming New Year's Eve party that will be held at our house.

I go up to the breakfast table and see everyone is there. But the whole vibe of table is tense. Nope. Not today. So, I smiled at Seb. Yeah, that made him gawk at me and I am pretty sure I lost him in his thoughts then. But hey, it's an accomplishment for me to be able to smile at him and not remember the things he said to me. Not go back to events of the Christmas evening. A thing that has been recurring as well. I put breakfast on my plate and started eating noticing Seb is still lost. I knew I had to talk to him. Maybe I can start about the party. Yeah, that would help. I think. Huh, I should help him find someone to kiss, like say my best friend, who just happened to come back from her trip today.

The talk Seb and I had helped me as much as it helped him. I knew we needed to talk. Like really talk like we used to. Although I know it will take us a long time to go back to the way we were if we can ever go back to it that is. But for now, I need to move on and put that dreadful evening behind me. I know I will not be able to forget it anytime soon, but I can try. I told Sebastian to tell the truth maybe I should tell myself that and remind myself that, that event happened in the past. And if what he told me is true that Seb only said those things just to hurt me, well he did succeed. There is that, but should I let it ruin me for the rest of my life? No. That would mean I let jealous Seb win. He wanted that and I will not let him win. I am talking as if that is someone else and not my brother. But, in my mind I sort of made them two different persons. Intentionally or unintentionally, I have no idea about that.

After the talk I came back to my room, to get ready for the party. I know I have time, but I need to well pick the dress and do other stuff, namely shave. I plan to wear a nice short dress. While I was doing all these things, I remembered the thing Seb told me he imagined Kenzie and I doing. It made me extremely embarrassed. Now that I think about it, it makes sense. That's why Seb came and pushed our blanket first on Christmas eve and then pushed me off my own bed. He thought Kenzie and I were...oh my...wow. I want to tell Kenzie about it, then again, can I? More like will I be able to without blushing like crazy? Also, that reminds me Kenzie is a senior no wonder Seb thought that. Wait...Kenzie is not thinking that, right?

I know Kenzie loves to cuddle, and so do I. But...nothing. I am not thinking such things. Seb why did you put it in my head now? Now I am freaking out. It's not like we will do anything tonight or any time soon. But...who knows. I mean I have never had a girlfriend before or boyfriend for that matter to know anything. Nor did Seb and I talk about this ever before. Wow I am super inexperienced regarding a relationship. And Kenzie fell in love with me, a clueless sophomore who is now freaking out of what could happen in the future. I mean I cannot think about it right now I need to focus on the party tonight. Wait we are not taking gifts tonight, but I want to take things. What did Charlie say I could bring?