By New Year's Eve.

Chapter 25 - Sebastian

Jealousy is a bitch. The green-eyed monster will be the death of me. To think I felt good, almost good that is. I kissed Sophia; I felt a connection with her. I was sure this would make my jealousy go away. And it did for a minute. More than a minute but yeah whatever. I am pissed at myself now. I have to be. Also, why did I think drinking would help with the jealousy? I mean for God's sake I was jealous of my sister yet again. And this time she didn't even do anything. All she did was check her phone yesterday evening when she received what a hundred texts? And instantly my brain thought it was from Mac. And I just had to know.

Well, I didn't get to find out who those texts were from. I destroyed the tree, and I almost got myself and Liv into an accident. All because I wanted to see who Liv was texting? I mean it is none of my business even if she was texting Mac. We are not really dating. And wasn't I thinking that maybe I will be okay with Liv liking Mac. I mean I am pretty sure she likes her now. And I kissed her best friend. A fact she doesn't know. She asked what happened when she saw me in pain but then didn't want to know. I mean I am jealous of that sister who literally slept all night on the couch sitting just to keep me company, when I was the one who kissed her best friend, hurt Sophia and Liv. Literally ditched Liv in a different town, made her sit and watch us dance all throughout Winter Ball. And yet, she stayed by my side. And how I repaid her? By drinking and driving and almost getting into an accident. Oh yeah and also by attacking her to check her phone. Good going, Sebastian!

Today at breakfast, I was quiet. I know Liv knows I was drunk last night. But she hasn't mentioned it yet. And she hasn't yet told mom about it. Dammit. That reminds me I accused her of being a snitch when she has always taken care of me all her life. Being the little sister, she took care of me. And I am repaying her like this. I am a bad big brother. Mom sent me to my room after breakfast. I am glad. I felt sad and guilty. Then I felt extremely sleepy. So, I slept. Tried to gain energy and some perspective.

I hope I did by lunch. I was quiet at lunch too. Because I didn't have anything to say. I wanted to talk to Liv, but I do not know how. I wanted to tell her sorry and also why I behaved like a weird crazy human being all of a sudden. I mean yeah, I was jealous. But does jealousy make me crazy? I am going to go with yes. It does, considering how I behaved all the times I got jealous of Liv. I don't know if I ever felt jealous of anyone else besides Liv. Its weird right? She is my little sister. So, what if she likes the same girl I like? She isn't doing anything about it. She will not, I know her. They are friends, close friends, best friends even. They spend a lot of time together. Well so did Sophia and I. Wait a second we did end up kissing. Would they? No. Do not go there Sebastian. You know how that turns out. You get jealous and you act crazy. Nothing is happening. Everything is fine.

After lunch Dad or mom either one of them started some Christmas movie. Liv seems to be enjoying it. I, however, cannot concentrate. Scenarios after scenarios play in my head. All include Liv and Mac. And none of them with them being just friends. Always ending with more than friends. But Liv? She would never. I am her brother. I am Seb. She would not betray me like that. She knows how much Mac means to me. She knows why I started fake dating her. Granted I don't feel a connection with Mac. But dammit I have been in love with the girl since the day she walked into our school. And this is Liv, Sebastian. Remember the little sister you held in your arms. You were so happy to be the big brother. It is as if I am fighting myself in my own brain.

"What you want my phone yet again? Or wanna call me a snitch? Which one brother?" Liv spat at me. I knew I made her angry yesterday. But not this much. Why is she so pissed at me now?

"Nothing. I am just...sorry." I mumbled and uttered the word sorry as low as possible. I wanted to say sorry, but something in my brain kept me from telling Liv I felt guilty but at the same time I couldn't help the thoughts of Liv and Mac together. It is killing me right now. I want to be angry, but I know I have no right to be. She can like anyone. You don't get to choose who you like or love. I kept on sighing through the rest of the movie. Either of my parents suggested we all take a nap before the guests arrive. And I couldn't be more grateful. It's not like I needed the nap. But a rest from all the current thoughts swirling in my brain, yeah sign me up for that.