Hold Onto Me (A Draco Malfoy story)

Chapter Thirty-Two: A Death Wish

~Lillian~

No. I can't be in the tournament.
"No-" I said with a dry throat. "I'm not doing it."
"You don't have a choice. Mr. Diggory, bring her up here." Dumbledore said.
Cedric looked at me with a sorry expression. He knew how scared I was for him in this tournament, how much I didn't want to do it. I was terrified.
He stood up and grabbed me under my arms, pulling me up. Hermione and Harry stood too, not letting go of me. I fought against Cedric, shaking my head no.
"I didn't sign up!" I yelled but he didn't let go.
"STOP!" Hermione shrieked. She was just as scared as me. "She obviously didn't put her name in! Look at her she's petrified!"
She pulled at Cedric and cursed at him, trying to get me out of his grip.
"It doesn't matter." Dumbledore said. Cedric dragged me up and I stopped fighting. "She was chosen. She must compete."
I walked up with Cedric, who was supporting most of my weight, and tried not to cry yet. So many people had died in this tournament, and even though I was close to it, I didn't want to die that way. I didn't want to suffer like they did. And the trauma? So many champions suffer years of trauma, and I can't handle that. Not to mention I am not in the physical state to compete. I barely made it through my day before passing out. I was terrified.
I stood with all of the other champions, Cedric still holding me up. The only difference was they all chose this. They wanted this.

~Draco~

The hall was silent.
No one wanted to be put in that tournament involuntarily. If you didn't know what you were doing it was a death wish.
I watched her face. She bit the inside of her cheek, like she always does when she's nervous. Cedric was basically the only thing holding her up, and I tried to ignore the pain in my chest seeing him touching her. She wasn't mine anymore. She had chosen Fred, not me.
But she was supposed to be mine.
And it hurt. Because I hated her for sleeping with Fred, but I hated myself too. What did I not give her? What did I not do? Why wasn't I enough?
After the four were initiated into the tournament, the hall was cleared out. I stayed behind a bit, watching as Hermione ran across the hall, pushing people down, and hugging Lillian as tight as she could, basically jumping into her arms. The mudblood buried her head into my Lilly and cried. But I didn't even blame her, I was absolutely terrified for Lillian.
My feelings were all mixed up. She admitted to sleeping with Fred, and I was so angry. But she was so broken, and I felt kind of bad, like maybe there was more to the story. But then anger blocked that. And she was falling apart. She never talked, and was quickly falling off the deep end, and I felt guilty. There was always something dark about her, but I never knew what it was. It seemed like no one knew. And on top of that, so much guilt. I felt like an ass. The things I said to her, the way I treated her. Part of me felt like she deserved it, but the other half hated myself for doing it. And the one thing I will never forgive myself for. Hitting her. Even though I was drunk, I remember that part clearly. The shocked look on her face, the blood dripping down her cheek. Then Fred punched me and I was basically out.
Even after I hit her, I woke up on the couch, covered in a blanket, and by looking at the clock it wasn't much later. I could only assume that she did that. And so I cried again that night. I cried for myself, and for her, and for every stupid thing that had happened.

I walked into the common room, and there was an awkward silence. Lillian was gone, probably in her room, but the rest of us didn't know what to say.
After a long while, Pansy spoke up.
"I just think she was a little dramatic." She said in her annoying voice.
She happened to be next to me, and I looked at her with cold eyes, and grabbed her robe. Me and Lilly were done, and I was supposed to be angry with her, I was, but I still cared about her.
"Shut the fuck up. If you were in her position you would've run away." I growled.
The silence was thick because we all knew Lillian was right. The tournament was deadly, and no one in their right mind would volunteer if they weren't of age.
I let go of her robe and stood, sick of this, and stormed up to my room. I was lucky enough to have my own room, thanks to my father. So I sat down on my bed and stared into space, waiting to feel something.
But I didn't know what to feel. I was angry at her, I felt bad for her, I was sad and tired, I was so worried about her, and above all, I cared about her. And I just wanted her here. I wanted to hold her in my arms and tell her it would be ok.

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Ayooo
This one is rlly short so I'll post another part in 2 minutes lol
Uh I know it's short but I rlly like this chapter we get to see dracos POV and the whole hermione thing I like too.
Idk in the fourth movie, more then the book in my opinion, hermione was like rlly scared it seemed for Harry and I had this clear image of once they were released hermione like sprinting through everyone and jumping into her arms. Idk I liked it

Please read this:
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As most of this story has, and I have brought it up a lot but I will again, this is some dark shit. There will be self harm, and there will be suicidal thoughts and behaviors. Those chapters will have a warning but for the next long while thay will be a huge thing so please please don't read if that upsets you. It's not worth your mental health I won't be offended.

Please comment or whatever and Thank your for reading