Hold Onto Me (A Draco Malfoy story)

Chapter Thirty-Seven: Unlikley Friends

After picking myself up, I walked back to my dorm, feeling like a zombie. It was only when I looked in my bathroom mirror I realized I also looked like one. My hair was messed up, eyes red and puffy, cheeks hollow, and paler than normal. My shirt had blood on it from who knows what.
I gripped the sink, being truly alone for the first time this morning. Heavy sobs came back, my whole body shaking. She did this because of me. Because I thought it was just some petty argument. How could I have been so stupid?! How did I not know?
My hands stung and I looked up, snapping out of my thoughts. The mirror was shattered in front of me, pieces of glass everywhere. I didn't even care as blood dripped onto the floor. Pieces of glass flew as I punched it over and over, screaming at myself.

Eventually, I showered and wrapped my hands in bandages, getting dressed. I buttoned up a shirt, but I'm pretty sure I did it wrong, and threw on some of the uniform pants. I did nothing with my hair, walking down to the Great Hall.
People stared as I sat down at the Gryffindor table, next to Hermione who looked blankly at her food, tears falling down her cheeks. Ann and Madeleine were also here, and to all of us, the concept of houses and rivalries seemed stupid.
So we all sat there in silence, no one flinching when Harry's plate shattered. The hall was filled with whispers, wondering what had happened. Not only was I, Draco Malfoy, sitting next to the mudblood at the Gryffindor table, we all looked like shit and Lillian was missing.
Dumbledore rushed into the hall, everyone falling silent. I noticed that all of the teachers were worried, only Snape knowing what had happened.
Everyone's attention was on Dumbledore as he talked.
"Classes have been canceled for the week. Students are to stay inside the castle at all times. The Astronomy Tower is strictly off limits, and if you need any medical attention, speak to your house staff." He said and everyone looked around, whispering.
"What's happening?" A second year Ravenclaw asked.
"There has been an accident." He said simply. "We will update you when we can. Now finish your breakfast and stay inside."
An accident. This was no accident. This was purely my fault.
As if he could read my mind, Harry looked up at me.
"You didn't know." He whispered. "Not even I knew."

We spent the day in the Gryffindor common room, sitting there, exchanging little words. We all were waiting for Snape to tell us we could visit her. Even though we were excused from assignments, Hermione sat by the fire, furiously writing her potions essay. Over the course of a few hours, she had broken 7 quills. No one said anything though, we were all trying to keep our minds off of Lilly.
Students passed by, whispering at the sight of the biggest enemies in school sitting together crying. Even me and Fred put aside our differences. I wasn't mad at anyone besides myself anymore.

"You can see her now." Snape said, and we all jumped up.
The group of us practically ran to the infirmary, no one stopping us as we practically broke through the door. Madam Pomfrey was sitting besides her, dabbing her forehead with a cloth. Lillian was no longer in her pajamas, but in a hospital gown. Her face was pale, and both of her arms were covered in bandages.
I couldn't move, frozen in time as I looked at her. The girl I loved. Her chest wasn't even moving, but that was part of the charm. Her breathing so subtle her chest didn't even move.
I walked on shaky legs up to her, a tear falling onto her cheek, but it was mine. I softly cupped her face and a sob racked through me.
"Is she gonna be ok?" George asked what all of us were thinking.
"I'm not sure." Madam Pomfrey said after a while. "Her vitals are low, but hopefully as the charm wears off, her heart rate comes back."
I snapped my neck to her. "Isn't there some potion for that? Can't you fix her? We have magic for fucks sake!"
She didn't even scold me. "There's no potion for death-"
"She's not dead!" I yelled, my voice breaking. "She's not." Now in a whisper.
"What's on her arms?" Fred asked, the rest of them now around her bed.
"Miss Potter had some... self-inflicted injuries as well. Not fatal, but all over her arms and legs. They will heal. Scars will be left behind, but they will heal." She explained.
Harry looked like he was going to throw up. His face drained of color, hand over his mouth.
My Lilly hurt herself because I was such a fucking jerk.
Madam Pomfrey left us to talk, and so did Snape. We sat there silent for hours, sitting in chairs. I held her hand softly, begging her to wake up and tell me it was ok.
"She has to make it." Hermione whispered. "She has to."
"There's still a chance." Ron said. He was holding her in his lap, rocking her back and forth as she looked numbly at Lilly.
I looked at them all, thinking about how the years of rivalries disappeared in a second. I felt bad for how I treated them, the things I said. And I sat there for a long time, thinking of how to apologize. How to start a conversation.
"I was always jealous of you guys." I finally blurted out. All the attention was on me as I looked down, holding Lilly's hand between my own. "Especially you Fred."
No one interrupted me as I spoke, letting it all out.
"Your family is so... perfect. You all love each other more than anything. You have the one thing I didn't. The one thing that money couldn't buy. Love. And I was so jealous. I tried for years to buy love from people. It never worked. So I tried to buy my own happiness. Obviously that failed. So I watched as you guys built these great friendships, your family wanting you to come home for the holidays. They would send you letters, telling you how great you were. I wanted that. I wanted to be you. Any of you.
"So eventually, I started bullying you guys, not knowing what else to do. Learned from my father I suppose. If you can't have it, no one can. I thought if I was mean to you, and made you feel upset, I wouldn't feel so sad. Then it turned to me bullying anyone I thought was happy. Anyone I was jealous of.
"And then, she came to school. And better yet, she was in my house. We started becoming closer, and she became closer with you guys. But for the first time in my life, I had something meaningful. I had found my happiness. I found someone to love.
"So when she came back that day, smelling like the guy I hated, I felt sick. I brushed it off, saying it wasn't actually you. But when there was the fight in the Great Hall, and you came to break it up, it was clear. I knew in that moment she had been with you all night. And I became so angry so quickly. In the span of ten minutes, I ruined everything.
"I'll never be able to take any of that back. But... I hope that you can try to understand. I know that after what happened, you all understandably hate me, but I wanted to explain. And I'm sorry."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Heyo

Softish and depressed Draco 😢

Don't worry it's not over yet lol idk how long it will be but this is no where near done

Thank you all for the comments btw

So
As always

Please comment or whatever and thank you for reading