It's me ✓

Chapter 11

Durga's POV

It's 11 pm and I was standing near the window staring at the moon, she was shining bright making the night more beautiful.

My mind is restless tonight... I am not getting any sleep, all I can think is that man's face... Everything about him attracts me toward him... 

I didn't want to leave his side, but why? I don't know, it was strange.

Me and Appu went to lunch today, Nith said it's a date but it was not for me, it was just a casual lunch with my friend.

When I came back Rudr and Vishnu had already left...

Rudr... That name brings me a lot of fading memories which I am trying to save in my heart as long as I can...
His face, that storage feeling when he touched me, it feels like that's him, my Rudr,but it's not... My Rudr was never blind.

I don't know if I can call him mine anymore, I don't know if he remembers me, we were kids who weren't mature enough to know what love is. But it happened, even though I couldn't name my feelings for him at that time, I knew he is the one...

I am having that feeling again with this Rudr, is this the name? No it is not, everything about him is telling me there is something. Something which I can't figure out yet, and it's good that way, even if I figure it out, there is no hope for that.

And Vishnu? Is it common to name Rudr's brother as Vishnu? I don't know, what the hell I am thinking and proving myself? I am going insane but I can't ignore this weird feeling that I know these people.

Maybe all these are my silly thoughts... Maybe he is not my Rudr...

But what if he is? What if something happened to him after I left and that's why he became blind?

Nith said Vishnu didn't try to contact her because of Rudr's condition... What if he is talking about this?...

Then why would he lie?...

No no... These all are my stupid thoughts... He is not my Rudr...

But why I am feeling all this?

If he is my Rudr,

Will I be able to tell him that I am his Ammu?... If I did, will he remember me?... If he does, can he love me as I love him?... If he could, will he still accept me knowing the truth about me?... If he would, can I give myself to him, I am someone else's vomit... My Rudr doesn't deserve that, right?... 

Which man will accept me... No one will...

And I don't want anyone to... I am ok with myself... 

But now, something changed, the feeling of him on me did something to me which made me believe that I am not ok with myself... I want that hands around me... I want to feel safe in his hug... I can still feel his warm breath kissing my neck.

I want those lips again on my skin... I want that hands around me all night... I want him to whisper sweet nothings when I am not ok... 

When Appu came, I noticed Rudr's anger... Was he jealous? 

How can a stranger be jealous of me?

What the hell are you thinking Durga? He is not your Rudr to feel jealous... He is not your Rudr to kiss you, to hug you, to keep you safe... He is no one... You were going to fall and he caught you that's it... There is nothing more nothing less... Always remember who you are, you don't deserve to have a normal love life like every girl around you... Just thank god that you are still alive and live the rest of your life in this loneliness, a girl like you only need this loneliness as your partner... You have to wash away all other stupid thoughts.