It's me ✓

Chapter 39

Durga’s POV

I stayed in Rudr’s house after discharging from the hospital, mamma didn’t want me to go to my home. She is the one who took care of me along with Nithya. After thousands of pleading she let me go see my family back home after one month, I spend two weeks there with them, I know what they did to me was not acceptable, but they did it out of their helplessness. They too suffered like me, I shouldn’t punish them more.

My father was in a state which I couldn’t even recognize, he was nothing like once he was. But seeing me broke him and he cried begging me to forgive. What should I tell them? I didn’t know that…

I didn’t tell them anything about what happened to me, why giving them more pain?... Neither I nor they can change what happened and I didn’t want to wound my wounds again. I stayed there happily with them forgetting everything and everyone… I spend time with my brothers we went for outings as normal brothers and sisters do, Nithya too joined us these two weeks.
Before coming back from there I told them about my decision to move to Australia, first they didn’t agree on it, but eventually they did as I wanted a change.

Coming back I told Rudr’s family about my decision, which too took a while to get the permission.

I did all that for me and Rudr, he didn’t talk to me yet. Everyone said to me that he will say everything to me but he didn’t, I never get to see him properly, if I am anywhere in a room he runs away from there like I am a plague or something. I didn’t want to see that anymore, it’s his house, his life, I shouldn’t suffocate him with my presence.

Everyone asked me why I am going, now that everything has become ok, but some things will not change, nothing can change them…

I need a change and he needs his space to start fresh and I am ready to give him, he said because of me his life ruined, as he didn’t care to explain why, I am believing it and I should move away, for the good of both of us.

The night before my journey I was lieng on my bed trying to get some sleep, but I couldn’t… there were so many questions in my mind but the only one who has to answer this is giving me a cold shoulder.

‘Will I be ok leaving without knowing the truth?... All these will haunt my mind for sure… do I need to take the initiative and talk to him? For the peace of my mind…’ I was thinking about all these when I heard the door to my room opening.

Thinking it will be mamma to make me change my decision, I laid there pretending to be asleep. The side of my bed dipped and someone laid beside me slowly snaking arms around me, I knew it was him when his fragrance and warmth surrounded me.

‘Why now?’ I thought without saying anything.

He brought his head on the crook of my neck and kissed me there making me shiver.

“I know you are awake…” he whispered and I hummed.

“You are leaving tomorrow,” he asked, more like a statement and for that also I hummed.

He slowly moved his palm to my tummy and caressed there “I didn’t know…”

“It’s ok…” I said.

He turned me around to face him “No it’s not… it’s not ok Ammu, because of my foolishness I lost my child…”

“Neither you nor I can do anything on that Rudr, what happened has happened…” I said looking away.

He lifted my chin and asked, “Do you hate me?”

“No… I will never hate you Rudr, you are the one who hates me and I can understand that, I shouldn’t have come to your life…” I said and tried to remove his arms around me but he didn’t let me.