Bungo Stray Dogs Oneshots

By the River...《O.Dazai》

Dazai wanted a break. Besides, slacking off from work would result in a lecture and a comical tiff from Kunikida. That would be enough to distract him from his thoughts, he thought.
He mindlessly wandered through Yokohama. The afternoon sun casting little to no shadows as he glided through the streets.
His thoughts were particularly devastating today. They didnt revolve around guilt, or his deeds before he joined the ada, but rather around his purpose, or lack of one.
His feet led him to a familiar place. A safe haven. A place where he had made some of the most severe, reckless and peaceful decisions of life.
He watched the water sparkle. The constant flow of the river reminded him of time as it constantly ebbed away. Out of reach as soon as it passed.
He didnt realise how long he had spent near the bank until he felt a presence close to him.
A few feet away stood a lady, leaning on the edge of the railing of the bridge she stood on. Recognizing her, he thought it must be lunch break. Y/N never fools around when it comes to her job at the ada.
He took slow steps towards her.
"Running away from Kunikida, are we?"
She jumped slightly.
Eyeing him, she just smiled slightly.
Noticing her unusually silent mood, Dazai wondered if something was bothering her.
"Is something wrong? You know you can talk to me, right?"
Dazai was a mysterious man. He was a thinker and an analyser. He would almost never ask direct questions. He would always come to conclusions by observing tiny details about the person in question. But he couldn't help it with her. She was a mystery to him. He could never make out what was going on in her mind. Inspite of being one of her closest friends, he still wasn't able to break through the walls she had built around herself. He had tried really hard to break through, but had always ended up defeated. He revelled in the rare moments when he was able to peep through a tiny crack.
"It's beautiful, isn't it."
She stated, watching the river with utmost concentration.
He decided to remain silent. To try and gauge her thoughts. Although, he knew that the chances of actually deducing her mind were meek.
"The peace. The calm. So serene."
She continued.
"Consider a hypothetical situation. If I asked you to hold my hand, look me in the eyes and jump into the river, what would you do?"
To say that Dazai was shocked, would be an understatement. He was frozen. His mind had stopped working. Did she indirectly ask him to commit double suicide with her? Is she depressed? Did something happen? Or has something happened some time ago? Is she feeling guilt? Remorse? Has she always been depressed? Why didnt he notice? He must be a shit friend. A good for nothing. A pathetic excuse for a-
"It's as simple as an 'I won't join you' or a 'let's do it'."
Her soft voice broke his chain of thought. He rapidly blinked.
" I thought I lost you there."
Her soft chuckles reminded him of the tinkling of tiny bells.
They were so similar to her usual giggles. There was no hint of 'suicidal thoughts' in her voice.
Usually, one could make out another's mood by paying attention to the pitch of their voice. There are so many attributes to ones tone and speech that give away their thoughts.
But not with her.
Her voice, pitch, tone, all seemed just like any other day, when she would excitedly ramble on about some show she loved. Or when she would coo at atsushi and his adorableness. Or when she described her favourite drink.
Did he fail to notice her problems?
A devastating thought struck him.
'Or has she always been troubled?', he thought.
"I'd have to decline, dear."
He spoke.
She playfully pouted, then turned her gaze back to the water.
In an instant, she jumped up onto the railing.
His eyes widened, heart beating fast. Before he could reach out to stop her, she had jumped again.
Thankfully, only to sit on the railing, and not into the river.
"If I was some other girl, would you have jumped?"
He took a minute to calm himself before replying.
"No."
"Why?"
He looked at her. He admired her features. The way her hair flowed in the breeze made her look even more ethereal. Her carefree, relaxed posture confused him.
"Because I have something to do before I leave."
The words escaped him. His mind was trying to come up with reasons to make her stay. To make her want to stay.
And so he blurted out whatever came to his mind first. It also happened to be the truth.
"I have made a promise to a friend. I must fulfill it."
She turned her gaze to him.
"Promises... So powerful yet trivial. So easily broken, yet impactful."
She checked her watch.
"Well, time's up! I suppose we'll have to end our little game of hypothetical fantasies, 'zai. For I dont want to die at the hands of an angry bespectacled blondie."
Her laugh filled the silence between them.
"Help me down will ya?"
They both walked back to the agency. All the while Y/N kept talking about some band she had discovered and how she desperately wanted to watch them perform live.
The woman next to him was completely different as compared to the woman by the river.
The woman that animatedly rambled next to him, was a dear friend. She understood him, and saw right through his facade. She was caring, considerate, hard working and full of life.
The woman he had met a few minutes ago, was someone who wanted to be understood. She didn't care about the world, and openly felt everything that she had been suppressing. She, unknowingly, made him realise his purpose. To him, she was a reminder of the harsh truth, that no matter how he felt, he couldn't give up. Mustn't give up.
Both sides of her fascinated him. He was aware of his growing feelings for her, he wasn't stupid. But the moment they just shared made them grow manifold. He was falling for her. And he didnt regret it. Because for once, he wanted to be the one showing the light, and not the one craving it. He wanted to be her reason to stay alive.
And he shall work hard, to be there for her.