Hysterical letters to my sanity

love that's not yours

to ask for love that isn't yours

"if you love him then why are you here with me?"
and i didn't know the answer to that
or i did
but how could i say it out loud and let it become true
"i don't know"
but he knew why and i knew why but how could we say it and let the whole thing crumble

when i started to cry he held my hand because even though i loved him i was still here with someone else, someone who made me feel like i was the same as before.
"if you love him then why are you here with me?" a question simple enough but complicated with every syllable
"if i love myself then i can let myself live"
the answer was not what he wanted to hear but he knew it was all he would get because she did love him but she also loved him and that was all he wanted from her
love