✮i am all my previous ages.

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I am five years old and I refuse to cry, I hold my breath until I'm purple, I clench my jaw, I break into a sweat with frustration,
I am eight years old and I am told by my therapist that perhaps crying in public is brave, I tell him that I am too angry to cry and I'm not even sure if I feel anything
I am eleven and nothing makes sense unless I'm listening to music, I stay up all hours of the night and don't go to class, they aren't allowed to fail me, I hit my knuckles against the shower walls and try to swallow all the water.
I am fourteen and my teacher is yelling at me, "stop crying, are you a baby?" ,
I am having another panic attack, I can't understand anything again, I want to hit her, I leave instead.
I am nineteen and I decide that I no longer live to serve anyone but myself, I will yell at strangers, I will cry in public, I will fight for my place, and I will not be silent.

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