Saltwater ~Zarry~

Chapter 12.

They didn't talk about it. They didn't know if they could.

After it happened, they just walked home in awkward silence. Neither of them knows what it meant. Harry wondering if it even meant anything. It meant a lot to him.

Maybe it was a spur in the moment thing. Maybe it was an instinct. Maybe he was just figuring things out. Maybe.

Harry's mind races with these accusations, and since he knows no real reason for Zayn's shocking yet enjoyable actions, Harry says nothing.

Even if he could say something, he wouldn't know what. Sure, he enjoyed it. Of course he enjoyed it. He's been wanting that kiss since he was old enough to understand kissing.

Harry knew this probably wouldn't happen ever again. So he closed his eyes, and savored the moments between him and Zayn. Because if this was all he'd get, then he has to enjoy it.

Zayn was confused. He didn't know why he kissed Harry. He knew he liked it, and that he would do it again in a heartbeat. But he also knows he can't.

But Harry didn't kiss back. Zayn's mind jumped to the worst conclusions possible.

Maybe he didn't like it. Maybe he hates me now. Maybe he was disgusted. Maybe.

Zayn and Harry were stuck in a cycle. The entire week after it happened, they did nothing but say good morning, nod at each other when they rarely passed one another in the house, and say goodnight.

Nothing more, nothing less. And Harry hated it. He hated that Zayn didn't hug him anymore. Or joke around with him. Or eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner with him. He hated that Zayn didn't kiss him again.

Trisha and Yaser noticed. Oh, they noticed. And they hated it too. They hated that their boys didn't look in each other's eyes. Or that they would never find the two in the same room. Or that the boys rarely smiled. They hated that they knew something happened, but didn't know what.

Zayn and Harry don't even sleep in the same room anymore. Zayn takes the guest room, and gives Harry their room. Because that's who Zayn is. Even when he was hurting, he put others first.

Zayn didn't know what to do. He was scared. Scared that Harry would never talk to him ever again. That Harry hated him forever. That he could never be forgiven.

He wanted so bad to talk to Harry. Apologize, check up on him, get his side of the story. Something, anything the hear Harry's voice speak more than 'good morning' and 'goodnight'.

When Harry was alone, sitting on the balcony connected to his and Zayn's room, he smiles. Smiles with his lips closed and dimples popping out, while touching his lips ever so lightly. Reliving the moments that took place a week ago.

He couldn't help it. His first kiss was Zayn Malik. And he would always smile at that.

Zayn knew what to do. He doesn't this every time something is confusing him. Every time something frustrates or upsets him. Every time he is literally frozen in time and trapped just his own mind. He goes to the one person that he can open up to and not feel guilty about it.

"Mom?" Zayn stood in the doorway of Trisha's home office. He talked calmly, but his voice still shaking with nerves.

Trisha's head snapped in the direction of the voice she hadn't heard in a while. "Zayn." She was confused, but didn't want to make him uncomfortable. "What is it, darling?" Soft, calm tone.

Zayn took a deep breath, stepped to his mother, and sat down next to her on the small couch. He was fiddling with his fingers while looking down at them. A nervous habit. Trisha noticed, and spoke up.

"Are you ok, darling?" She was concerned. But she could tell Zayn was struggling with something. So she spoke to him as if he was an adult. Not wanting to scare him from telling with her worried voice, she kept a calm and mature aura.

"I...I think so." He stuttered a little before finally looking into Trisha's eyes. "I don't know."

Trisha nodded in understanding. Because she trust did know how Zayn felt, everyone has been there. "Why don't you tell me what's bothering you, and we'll go from there." She said.

Zayn nodded a little bit stayed silent. His heart and mind were battling each other. Over talking to Harry. Over telling his mom.

Trisha grabbed Zayn's hands and squeezed lightly, "When you're ready." She nodded to him. Zayn nodded back and took a deep breath, then let go.

"I kissed Harry."

Trisha stopped. She stopped nodding along to Zayn. She stopped squeezing his hand. She stopped looking into his eyes. It's like her world stopped, not just her mind.

And even though Trisha had thousands of things she wanted to say, to ask. When she opened her mouth to speak, no words came out.

Zayn just looked at her. In a normal situation, the wise words of his mother would have already been spoken to him. He would realize that what she said is true, process her words, apply them to the situation, and everything would be ok.

But this wasn't a normal situation. No, this; this was unexpected. To Trisha and to Zayn.

Trisha because; she didn't know if the two boys she often caught staring into each other eyes, actually liked each other.

And Zayn because; he had just blurted it our to his mother. Just like that, it was put in the world and now he can't take it back. He hopes he won't have to take it back.

"Mom? Please say something." Zayn begged to heart her voice. He couldn't lose his mom too.

"Are you...did you...on purpose?" She stuttered not really knowing what exactly to say. Or think.

But she realized but the look Zayn have her, maybe not the best choice of words. "I mean, did you want to? Was it something you though was right?" She cleared.

"I..." Zayn didn't know what to say to those questions. "I don't know why I did it mom. But I wanted to." He said. Confirming what Trisha was thinking.

"And...you liked it? Harry liked it?"

Zayn paused at his name. He had been asking himself that same question all week, yet came up with no assuring answer. "I did. But he..." Zayn trailed.

Trisha made a noise of understanding. She makes a mental note to talk to Harry next. "I have a feeling it's not as bad as you think, darling." She said with a small smile.

"I think Harry's mad at me, Mama. I don't want him to be mad at me." Zayn says and the tears come back, but don't fall.

Trisha nods, "Things like this are scary. And it's ok to be confused." Zayn nodded slightly. "But," she lifted Zayn's chin so he would look at her again, "There is no reason to be ashamed, or feel bad."

She smiled wide at him and Zayn slightly smiled back, "Me, your father, your sisters...We are all here to love and support you. Always."

And in that moment, Zayn willed the tears to fall. Trisha hugged him tightly, letting the boy cry quietly into her shoulder, because these things had to be done.

Zayn had to let it all out or else the false guilt he was feeling, would eat him alive. Zayn knew his family was there for him, and he knew his mother was right.

"It will all work out, Zayn. It will all be ok." Trisha calmed her son's tears with words like this, until Zayn sat up.

Zayn looked into Trisha's eyes, "I'm scared, Mom."

Trisha looked at her son and squeezed his hands again. "Darling, why?" she referred to Zayn being scared.

"...I think I love him."