golden ✔️ | bsd

conflicts

— atsushi.

For Atsushi it always began the same way. He'd feel the rumble of the train beneath his feet, in the same compartment from weeks ago except this time he was alone. Akutagawa was nowhere to be found, and everytime it brought him a sense of comfort to see his partner gone.

However, that tranquility would never last for long because that same beast would appear. Just like the first time it would rip off a side of the compartment, letting in powerful gusts of air. Unlike last time Atsushi was unfazed by it. Instead the black horrid beast opens its mouth to let out a sound he knows all too well.

The voice of his old headmaster, screaming at him, taunting him.

"Good for nothing!"

"Pathetic!"

"You don't deserve to be alive!"

The voices would become overwhelmingly loud. Flooding Atsushi's mind, as if a dam had been broken. Sometimes he would just cover his ears with his hands, hoping to drown out the noise, but today he let himself listen.

Every insult cut him deep yet Atsushi found some sort of familiarity with the situation. The beast carried the hollow voice of a man, that in his own twisted way raised him. Atsushi could never say he was grateful for the abuse he received, but he would accept it as something that kept him alive for long. His desperate attempt to prove everyone wrong, to prove he was worthy of being alive.

Then again, those same words made him think twice every time he stood on a train platform.

Like the first time this had happened the beast falls quiet. Atsushi feels safe for only an instant before the monster rips into his body. His skin breaks, blood spots flying through the train compartment. It hurts, hurts more than anything in the world. And some part of Atsushi knows that his tiger simply wouldn't be able to heal this wound.

Eventually the pain stops. Atsushi looks around to see the beast from the train gone. Relief floods the shores of his mind. However, his eyes always travel downwards. On his hands he finds red. It's the type of red he's unfortunately very accustomed to.

This isn't your blood , his mind offers, don't worry this isn't your blood .

His gaze travels up, then who's blood is this?

And everytime his question is answered the same way. Inside the train carriage, slumped in front of Atsushi is the limp body of his partner. Akutagawa's eyes are drained of all life and there's a large gash across his neck. Without a second look Atsushi can tell what sort of thing caused that type of injury.

His teeth, which belonged to a beast that's forever been out for blood.

"N-no." He croaks out.

Atsushi quickly made his way over to his partner. He put his hands on the neck wound. Anything to try and save Akutagawa. It's too late though.

Akutagawa is dead and it's Atsushi's fault.

He killed him—

Atsushi woke up gasping, gripping his futon tight. His eyes darted around the room as if to search for that horrible black beast. He let out a sigh of relief when he realized it was all in his head, just a nightmare. A few months ago his nightmare would have woken up Kyoka too, but she no longer lived with him. Atsushi was glad, especially with his new proclivities. Nevertheless he missed the company that she brought to his tiny apartment.