golden ✔️ | bsd

rebirth

—akutagawa.

As far as anyone was concerned Akutagawa Ryunosuke died on a private plane leaving Japan, valiantly taking down Fyodor Dostoevsky. Seeing as members of the ADA were nearby they were able to take the russian criminal into custody. Days later they released a statement that explained how the Port Mafia member sacrificed himself in order to bring Dostoevsky to justice. His death would not be in vain and he would be remembered as a hero.

And that was the end of that story.

Just not this one.

Akutagawa was actually quite impressed with the stops pulled in order to make himself disappear. Holding his own death certificate was a surreal experience. By all technical terms he was a ghost now. Mori believed he'd died for the organization, whether that was a good or bad thing he did not know. However, any doubts that he wasn't loyal were silenced as they watched Akutagawa's body be buried into the ground.

After it was done, he wasn't too sure how to proceed. Life had always revolved around the Port Mafia. That cycle of bloodshed, of unspeakable action. His hands had been sullied after years of the same work. Akutagawa convinced himself that this was all he could be good for. Yet a lackluster, white haired, nervous boy was able to pull him out of it all. Atsushi gave him a taste of what life could be like devoid of what he'd always known.

Excuses, he remembers he'd made excuses for not letting go sooner. Atsushi was all kind words, sweet kisses and gentle smiles. How could he be able to imitate that? He'd been terrified of telling the one person who saw the light in him down.

And he did. All because of the fear that weighed heavy on his shoulders.

Now he was free from the Port Mafia. No longer tied to the sins of his past. Akutagawa was given the chance to be born again. Not many could say they experienced rebirth. It was like he could breathe again. Akutagawa wondered if this is what Dazai felt once he'd left. Were they clean? Could they experience happiness without the fear of it not lasting? Perhaps some habits were harder to get rid of. Dazai still wore bandages on his arms, and Akutagawa would continue to be weary of the kindness the world offered.

Things were not perfect, they would never be, but they were better than they used to be. Akutagawa tried to remind himself of that.

The Agency director suggested that he'd lay low for a few months, if not a year before he returned. When that time was over they'd welcome him with open arms. Hearing those words made the pain in his chest return. Secretly, Chuuya had managed to return most of the funds he'd collected in the Post Mafia. Dazai let him use one of his old getaway houses. After Dostoevsky was locked up, he and Atsushi were on a plane halfway across the globe.

They settled for a small town in Scotland. It was quiet, and nobody asked too many questions about who they were. Akutagawa was able to adjust comfortably. Atsushi was just happy to be anywhere else than where he'd been born. It was good for both of them.

—

Warm rays of sun peeked through the blinds. They made Akutagawa skirm in discomfort. Slowly, his eyes began to adjust to the early morning light. Next to him was a sleeping Atsushi. His chest rose and fell, small snores escaping his lips. The sight brings a smile to Akutagawa's face. He reaches out to pet his hair, but stops himself. Is that—Is that too much?

After they reunited, Atsushi kissed him and said "I love you" back. Their feelings were out in the open, no more keeping secrets.  Even so, it seemed like they were right where they started. Back to early mornings as partners, exchanging touches, not exactly sure if their feelings were right or wrong. Akutagawa couldn't be annoyed by it. Any trust they shared was shattered over the months. If Atsushi wanted to take his time then he would wait as long as he needed.