𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐒𝐄𝐋🎠 | Travis Scott.

𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙧𝙩𝙮-𝙨𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙣 🎠

chapter thirty seven:
HAPPY STATE

———

February 1st, 2017.
Los Angeles, California.
Kelsey

"So, how's everything in your life right now?" Anna, my therapist asked me, as she took a medium sized notebook and a pen from her desk.

"Kelsey, you know you can sit however you want on that couch. I won't judge." Anna reminded me and I nodded, sitting on the couch with my legs crossed.

"Now, talk to me." Anna was actually my mother's therapist for all these years she has been in the modeling industry. They are really close with each other so it wasn't very hard for us to get along well.

I let out a small breath, "Everything in my life is good right now."

"Aw, Kelsey! That's amazing news!" Anna said with a huge smile covering her face, making me even more anxious.

"Something bad is coming." I spoke before I could think, which caused me to place my palm on top of my mouth, widening my eyes at what I just said.

"That's bad." I motioned at my mouth with my finger, making Anna laugh.

"That happens to everyone, sweetie. Don't worry about it." She reassured me with a warm smile and started writing on her notebook.

"Then why are you writing it down?" I asked her with furrowed eyebrows, trying to see what she was writing.

"My patients can never know what I'm writing down there. Now, why do you think that something bad is going to happen?"

"Cause that's what happens every time. Whenever I'm happy with myself and my life, something bad is happening. And I have many examples for that."

"Kelsey, you should not be thinking about that. Don't let your thoughts control you, I know it's hard but try to ignore them as much as you can. Have you been taking the pills I gave you?" Anna asked me but I didn't respond.

"Kelsey—"

"Anna, I'm scared that I will get addicted to them again." I slowly confessed, feeling my anger building rapidly inside me.

"I thought you said you have people around you that are watching you when you're taking them so nothing like that happens again. Kelsey, please don't tell me that you lied—"

"No, no I didn't! Of course not! I just... I don't wanna keep bothering them with my problems."

"Kelsey, you have to stop thinking like that and don't be afraid to talk to them. Those girls have sticked with you on your darkest moments. They care about you and your well being." Anna said.

I looked down at my fingers, playing with my nails, "I know, okay? But what if—" Anna shushed me and I narrowed my eyes, "No more what if's. Got it? They're making you feel worse and they're completely unnecessary."

"Fine. I will try." I said.

Those three words have been my most used words these past five years. Whenever I was telling Anna that I wasn't able to do something, she would always remind me that I can do it, but only if I believed in myself. So, 'I will try' stands for that.