Jannah. [SEQUEL TO DAWUD]

Chapter 39 - Unforgettable Hurt

In the name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

If the time of prayer has been called and you haven't prayed before reading this, please do so.

Jannah's P.O.V

I sighed, calling her again. 'Why isn't she answering?' I groaned. Muna scratched her head, pondering.

'You know Warsan. When things go wrong, she likes solitude.' She answered. I chuckled, nodding my head. That sure was true.

The impressive spread of cookies and baked goods sat in front of us, paired with milk tea. I blinked, realizing a harsh reality. 'Maybe it's a good thing she didn't answer.' I said. Muna turned to look at me, uncertainty written neatly on her face. 'She's probably upset that it's Laith coming over to her place and not Uthman. Us calling her excitedly would've been cruel.' I explained.

'She likes Uthman a lot.' Muna added. 'And let us not forget the conversation between the two boys in the parking lot. Laith coming over for dinner instead of Uthman meant-'

I gasped, gripping her shoulder. 'Did Uthman give up?' I cried, shaking my best friend's body. Muna shrunk into herself.

'I guess so.' She returned. We both sighed, absolutely defeated.

I felt terrible for trying to call Warsan over and over again and setting this whole night up like a watch party. I even made party drinks! Muna matched my expression, with guilt pouring over the both of us. 'It was a good thing she didn't answer.'

I threw my head in my hands with a groan, wondering how Warsan was doing. I hope she was okay.

Warsan's P.O.V

I was far from okay. This was the most awkward dinner of my life. Alhamdullilah, we had a set of eight chairs that came with the dining room table which was more than enough for everyone, but that did not help in creating a welcoming aura. My father sat at the head of the table, and Hamza sat at the other end. There were three chairs on either side and the seating went as follows; my mother and I sitting on my father's right, and Uthman, Laith and Junaid sitting at his left. I was sitting across from Uthman. And not once did I let my eyes meet his. I was in so much emotional turmoil right now. Why was he here?

'This is such a gift for you to stop by, Laith. I can't tell you how excited we are to have you over for dinner.' My father said happily. The sparkle in his eyes broke my heart. I knew it wouldn't last long once I rejected Laith. He'd go back to sticking his nose in the latest copy of the newspaper and lifting his eyes only to give me a side glance. In my culture, the biggest success in a woman's life is marriage. They viewed me pursuing a degree in nursing and working to pay for my tuition as a waste of my fertility. And as dense as it sounds, a part of me was happy to play this little act and make them smile with pride. Even if it would be for a short while. Laith would go back to his regular life before he thought he liked me, Uthman would go back to paying me no mind and I'd be here, unaffected. At least that's what I told myself.

'Thank you, the pleasure is all mine. The food looks delicious, Aunty.' He said to my mom. She smiled, waving him off.

'Eat, eat, eat! I've made enough for you to fill your bellies and bring some home to your families as well.' She urged them.

Once everyone had food on their plates, the room was filled with chatter. My dad spoke to Uthman, Laith spoke to Hamza, and Junaid spoke to our mom. I forked my pasta absentmindedly, listening in on my dad and Uthman speaking to one another to pass the time. I learned that after Uthman's father had passed away, my dad sought him out at the masjid, kindling a relationship between the two.

'You're like my honorary father.' Uthman joked. I froze.

Laith and I looked up in surprise catching each other's eye. I looked down immediately, scolding myself internally. I felt him mustering up the confidence to ask me a question. I could sense it in his body language without even looking at him.

'Could you pass me the tongs?' Uthman's voice said. I waited a few seconds to make sure he was speaking to me. Every ounce of my essence panicked. But he already made me cry today - he wouldn't make me embarrass myself too. Before I looked up at him, I promised myself not to melt. He didn't like me. I had to remember that. But when I glanced up slowly, his eyes were warm. I promise, had they been cold and distant, I'd be able to preserve my covenant. But they were warm and loving. No one has ever looked at me like that in my life. It made me question why he was here. I handed him the tongs and watched his lips formulate a quiet thank you. I felt my father's eyes watching me carefully. For a moment, I had forgotten there were people around us.

'Warsan, what are you studying in school?' A voice said from across the table. I looked up to find Laith awaiting an answer. He was dressed much more formally than he needed to be. I turned my attention to a piece of salad on the edge of my plate.

'Nursing.' I replied. My tone came out flat. Knowing the headache I would receive from having my mom scold my manners later caused me to sit up and be more polite. 'And you?' I forced.

He answered happily, but I mentally logged off the second I noticed he wasn't asking me another question. Junaid saved the day, asking Laith a few questions about school.

My father took a sip of water and cleared his throat. 'Uthman, I've been told that you volunteer as a mentor in Laith's basketball program. You two must be close.' He spoke. To anyone else, it seemed like a genuine question. But I've gotten a lot of those inquiries in my lifetime and they were far from innocent. His left eyebrow was raised so imperceptibly anyone would miss it. He wore a genuine smile, which seemed harmless, but I knew my dad had a certain assumption in mind that he needed to verify. He most-likely caught on to my behaviour towards Uthman and wanted to understand what was going on. Was I that obvious?

Laith cleared his throat, turning around with a smug look on his face. He watched Uthman assemble an answer. The air became thick with tension. I glanced at Junaid who stared at the fork on his plate awkwardly.

'He's a great guy.' Uthman smiled slightly. 'It would be a great honour if he joined your family.'

The air was still.

I felt my heart sink to my stomach. My mother's eyes enlarged at his boldness, following Junaid's startled expression. Laith blinked a few times taken aback as well.

My father nodded his head slowly, taking in his words.

'Since that is out of the way, I'm so happy you've taken a liking to my daughter.' My mother told Laith. She seized both her hands together whimsically. I gulped, not sure how to digest the night's events.

Without thinking, I stood up. All eyes darted in my direction except the only pair of eyes that truly mattered to me. They hadn't moved an inch, focusing on the space between his knife and fork. 'I'll be going upstairs now.' I blurted. There was a heavy lump in my throat I couldn't quite swallow down. I had to get out of here before the tears vented from my eyes. Uthman stood up as well. I observed him with difficulty.

'I'll be leaving as well. Thank you for the dinner. It was delicious.' He praised my mother. She urged him to stay longer but he graciously declined. 'Till we meet again.' He said to my father gently. And just like that, he walked out of the kitchen, shuffled in the entrance and took his leave.

'Warsan, you should sit and-'

My father's voice faded away as I made my way back up the stairs. My sight blurred as my tears took over my vision. Why had he come over? What was the point in coming over if he was just going to praise Laith and leave? I closed the bathroom door behind me and slid down to the floor. The cold tiles felt nice against my sweaty palms. I remained there, frozen and disoriented.

This time, I couldn't break apart my thoughts and feelings like I usually did. I couldn't rationalize the heartbreak I felt. This time, I just sat in the hurt. And it was a feeling I would never forget.