Forbidden Territories

Chapter 11: Fix You

I stood with my palms pressed against the light pink tiles, warm water running over me. My eyes were closed as I tried to do a slow recap of that day. It wasn't completely insane of me to think that things just weren't adding up, right? Normal passing out didn't happen with such severe headaches. There was something the nurse wasn't telling me nor was Maya or the doctor.

Then there were those memories. Flashbacks. They had to be that. Who was that guy I was kissing there? Why couldn't I see his face? I've been there before, I've seen those things before, why couldn't I remember?

I looked down at the tattoos on my wrist, the small numbers inked just beneath my palm. I brushed my thumb over them as if trying to wipe them off. I could feel tears starting to burn my eyes so, I squeezed them tight shut and refused to give in to them.

Sometimes I wondered if putting up a brave front was worth it when I felt like I was falling apart inside. You do it so you don't make the ones you love worry, right? It's easier to say you're okay than to describe the reasons why you're not. The one person I always knew I could trust felt like a stranger now. I was so detached from her, it broke my heart. We were always a team and now I was finding solace in a man I've only known for a few months. While he was sweet and patient, I felt like I was using him as a backup plan or as a way to get back at Maya. She didn't like Zach so, it was the perfect way to get on her nerves and show her I didn't need her. But I did. She was my big sister.

There were too many secrets and unanswered questions revolving around my life all of a sudden. It didn't seem that long ago when I ran out of my room at dawn and jumped on Maya's bed, urging her to wake up. I didn't sleep in, even when I could've. I didn't want to. I was filled with so much energy all the time and now it just evaporated. This confusion was changing me and I was letting it. I needed to remember more. I needed to know who I was.

I felt myself sinking in what seemed like a dream. I rested my forehead against the tiles, the water trickling down on me almost slowing down with my exhale.

　　"Come on, you're missing out on all the fun!" I yelled through a peal of laughter.
　　I could hear fumbling behind the shower curtain accompanied by quiet cursing. I rolled my eyes and adjusted the water temperature, running my fingers through my wet hair when I heard the curtain being pulled to the side with force. I only opened one eye and grinned.
　　"Coming in!" he announced, the voice once more sounding like an echo through the bathroom. It was getting frustrating but my hands moved from my hair to the sides of his neck. One of his hands pulled the shower curtain back in place and somehow I knew he was smiling at me without actually seeing his smile.
　　Who was he? I was sure it was the same person from the gallery but I still couldn't see him.
　　My eyes closed as I weaved my fingers through his hair on the side of his head and his breath hit my lips. I couldn't see him but I could feel the warmth of his skin on mine. I couldn't see him but I could taste his kiss. I couldn't see him but I could sense his eyes on me.
　　I was caught between his frame and the tiled wall, the water washing away the day that I somehow knew was not the best. But things were falling into place just like that - with his arms around my waist and his lips painting a pattern of kisses down the side of my neck. His movements were slow, calculated.
　　"How are you, baby?" he whispered against my flesh as his calloused fingertips traced my spine.
　　"Better now," I replied just as softly, following the curvature of his shoulders.
　　My chin was caught between his index finger and his thumb and he tilted my head back until I had my eyes on him. The blurry image still wasn't giving anything away but my body, at that moment, wasn't my body. Consciously, I knew I wasn't there at that moment but I had no control over the situation.
　　Who are you?