Forbidden Territories

Epilogue

2 months later. 

It was almost funny. How the one thing I wished for the most — to find the missing pieces of myself — would bring the kind of fear I didn't know I was capable of feeling. I knew my fate.

I kept looking over my shoulder. Waiting. Silently. Crying into my pillow at night. Something was different about this life. 

I've come to realize I was never meant to feel. But god, how could I not feel the sun on my skin? The kiss on my lips? The quickened pace of my shallow heartbeat? How could I not love the world, the changing seasons? 

People thought I was insane but... if only they knew. 

Maybe, just maybe they would learn to appreciate the gift life brings. Maybe they wouldn't be so stuck in their own head, so stubborn and they would just open their eyes and see what I've seen. Feel, what I've felt. 

Love. 

Love, how I tried to love. Wholeheartedly. Irrevocably. Forever. 

Him. Just him. With no restrictions, no doubts, no fear. 

"Okay, that's all for today," the raven-haired woman in front of me decided. 

Her dark skin glowed under the sunlight breaking through the window, her pearly whites standing out even more. 

"Same time next week?" she asked and I nodded my head slightly in response. "You know, Via, you're making great progress here. I can't possibly understand everything you've been through. Your story is not just one in a million, it's..." she trailed off. 

I kept my gaze on the ground, my clenched fists slowly releasing. I let go of the small foam balls in my palms — something my therapist gave me so I stopped digging my nails into my own skin. 

To me, it didn't seem like such progress. I still had nightmares, I still woke up screaming and unable to breathe. I still hadn't found enough peace within myself to go back home and more importantly — to stay. 

"What's your point, Lisa?" I whispered, letting my gaze flicker in her direction. "I feel like a broken experiment." 

Lisa sighed softly. "Monday at 3. We'll talk about all of that, okay? And Trina." 

She was a good woman. Intelligent. Empathic. Kind. Beautiful. But I hated myself to the extent where I hated everyone around me as well. 

"Monday at 3," I repeated and got up from the couch. 

Despite almost being by the door already, I still felt Lisa's eyes on me. 

"You know you're going to get through this, right?" she said, trying to be her usual supportive self. 

But there was something about that day that didn't sit right with me and I couldn't put my finger on it. 

"I know," I replied — as I always did. And just as I did every time before, my mind went straight to Zach. My sister. James. 

I spent the evenings leaned against the rusty iron fence of my studio apartment. It was the only place that I could afford with the money I've saved over the months of working at the Gallery. 

 The sky burned above me, the toxic vapor of my cigarette dissolving before my eyes. The nicotine circled through my lungs but I no longer felt the burn in my throat.

Every night, I wondered what Maya was doing. Did she rearrange my room and let me go? Did Scar move in? Did they miss me or did they lose me so many times already that this felt like just another part of the cycle? 

Did Zach replace our photographs? Did he bring another girl home? Did he still try to call my old phone number? 

A shaky breath bubbled up my throat as I flicked the rest of the cigarette away and gripped the fence until my knuckles turned white. 

I still wore his washed-out Iron Maiden T-shirt. I wished it would've smelled like him. 

My train of thoughts was interrupted by a sudden knock on my front door. I turned around and froze in place for a moment, holding my breath. 

Could it be? 

No, don't be stupid. 

Another knocked snapped me out of it and I walked over to the door. 

If that was any other day, I would've looked through the peephole. But I didn't. And before I knew it, I was shoved back inside the apartment, rough fingers latching around my neck. 

My eyes widened as I stared at the one man that was the root of my terrors. 

"I did what I did because I love you!" he yelled. 

"Tyler, please..." 

"I fucking knew you remembered." He grinned ominously. "And now I'll make you forget."