Forbidden Territories

Chapter 24: Say Goodbye

The scars always remain. While time heals our wounds, the little marks of the pain we once felt stay on our flesh — betraying us. We cannot pretend that nothing can touch us.

Each time we fall apart and put ourselves back together, we can still see the cracks of where we bled.

I heard that broken bones grow back stronger, but does the heart work the same way? Would I bounce back with newfound strength or would gravity conquer me and keep me on the ground?

Right then, I wasn't worried. I was kept afloat. I had safe arms holding me, I had a soft voice beckoning me home and assuring me everything would be okay.

Autumn was meant to be the beginning of an end, no? Earth gave its last atoms of life and exploded in vivid colors before it slipped into slumber and covered itself with a blanket of snow.

I didn't see it that way. I saw it as rebirth. I saw it as the beginning of life.

The shades of orange and yellow lit up the world and engulfed it in flames. It wasn't sad. It was beautiful. Maybe that was how I was meant to see the lives I had lived. Not as endings — but as beginnings.

Zach's fingers ran up and down my upper arm while my head rested on his shoulder. I stared at the calm sea, counting the approaching waves.

My tears dried up but I could still feel the residue on my skin.

And Zach? Zach knew exactly what to do which made everything so much harder. He knew when to be quiet and when to speak. He knew exactly when to hold me and when to give me space. Of course, he did — he had been doing this for years upon years. He stood by my side and watched from afar at the same time. He guided me without asking for anything in return. He pulled me from the depths of sorrow as soon as he heard me gasping for air. He just knew.

I wasn't his to save and yet he did it with no questions asked.

A sigh parted my lips and I turned my head to bury my face into the crook of his neck. His grip around me gradually tightened, his other hand resting on the side of my head.

His rough fingers brushed my hair behind my ear, thumb simultaneously caressing my cheek.

I peeked up at him, only to find him already watching me. "I still remember," I assured him in a whisper and he replied with a nod.

While he looked convinced for the time being, I assumed he wasn't sure how long it would last. According to the way he was looking at me, it felt like he was silently saying goodbye.

How many times before did we find ourselves in this position? How many times before did he hold me in the same manner, trying to memorize the contour of my face as I've been trying to memorize his?

How could I ever forget him?

"It's going to be okay," he murmured as the pad of his thumb lightly touched the corner of my mouth.

I wasn't sure whether he was consoling me or himself. Was it worse to live with the memories or without them? Which one of us was in more pain?

I nodded my head and leaned against his touch. My eyes closed as I tried to let his warmth inside me and find a place where it could stay forever.

I think I always knew it was there. From the moment I crashed into him all those months ago, I felt as if something in the universe was pushing me towards him. We were like magnets — if he moved, I moved with him. 

Getting lost in his eyes was something I found myself doing often. It wasn't just the way he looked at me, it was all the shades that painted his irises. The wild blue one reminded me of the stormy sea and the other — the tints of brown caused a calmness to wash over me.