Forbidden Territories

Chapter 18: Cheater

My room was a mess. I've never been too keen on cleaning up but I've never before let my painting supplies just lay everywhere. I didn't mind it though. For the first time, I felt like the mess surrounding me didn't match the mess I felt inside. I had a lead and I had a helper. But it seemed like one aspect of my life just had to be a disaster. 

I woke up with a strange feeling of hope finding me again. I still had way more questions than answers but at least now, I felt like things would start moving and unfolding. The stinging sensation in my chest, however, remained. The stinging sensation of losing the man I found comfort in when I learned that he was just another walking red flag. How strange it was for me to still search for that feeling of having a safety net when it was no longer there. It's been a few days since he last texted me. At the same time, I was pissed at him for his lack of trying but I was also glad he did before it would border creepy. 

Was Zach the bad guy here all along? And was Tyler the one whom I should've trusted, despite his lack of communication skills? Was Tyler just heavily misunderstood? 

His words continued to echo through my head. You were mine. Mentally, I went back to our attempted date. He told me back then about his ex cheating girlfriend. Was that me? Was I the villain of my own story? 

As much as I never thought of myself being a perfect person, I still believed that cheating was something I wouldn't do. I remembered Trina when she found out her boyfriend was screwing around and how it affected her. Was I just as bad? There had to be more about it. Or maybe I was just a competition between Zach and Tyler. Who the fuck even knew? 

With coffee in my hand, I sat on the fire escape and placed a cigarette between my lips. It was quite early in the morning, despite it being Saturday. I didn't need sleep, I needed answers. 

My gaze every so often traveled to the floor below, to the apartment where Tyler lived. One of the windows was slightly opened and I listened to any sign of movements. 

I took a long drag from the cigarette before tapping the ash into the ashtray and brought it right back up to my full lips. I was getting lost in my own thoughts again and whenever that happened, Zach was always somehow involved. Regardless of what happened, I wished against wishes that somehow ... anyhow, I wasn't initially wrong about him. 

I thought about one of the simple, fun days I've had with him. Nothing overly exciting happened that day but it was somehow so light and happy. I watched him fix his motorcycle and five minutes in, I wasn't sure what was dirtier from grease — the entire workshop or Zach. 

I tried to help him and he was patient but he didn't waste the opportunity to smear some of the grease over my cheek. I couldn't even be mad at him because he did it with that stupid, dimpled grin on his face that made my heart flutter. Music was blasting in the background and yet our laughter overthrew the melodic sound. And of course, he ended up fixing nothing because focus was not his strong suit. Especially not when I was poking his side every couple of minutes. He cursed, dropped things, and when he accidentally sat on one of the parts, resulting in a bruise on his ass, he called it quits and declared he can't get any job done and that I wasn't allowed in his workshop anymore. Ignore the fact that I was there the next day again and it didn't go much better. 

"You gonna spill on me again?" Tyler's voice snapped me out of my thoughts and I nearly dropped my coffee mug again.

I averted my gaze a floor down, seeing his pair of brown eyes staring up at me. "I will if you keep scaring the shit out of me," I scolded him. 

He smiled apologetically. "Sorry." 

I shook my head and brought the cigarette back to my lips, only to realize it basically smoked itself with my lack of attention. So, I tossed the remainder into the ashtray and looked down at Tyler again.