Forbidden Territories

Chapter 8: I'll Find You

Now, that I've seen Zach again, it became harder to shut him out again. The reasons behind my initial decision were still a little blurry. I didn't know whether there was some voice inside my head that wanted me to keep him at arm's length, for some reason I didn't remember. Or maybe the reason was what Maya said. Maybe I was just terrified. 

I've seen so many hurt people surrounding me, hurt over things I didn't remember and a part of me couldn't do that to Zach. I blamed myself for this when I shouldn't. I didn't choose to forget things that seemed important to others. I wanted answers. Granted, I was terrified of what I would find out but still, I needed to know. And Zach was a good support system. I could feel it in my bones. That didn't mean I was taking advantage of his good heart, did it? 

We didn't know what else to say to each other. He missed me and truth be told, I missed him too. So, before I could change my mind or talk myself out of it, I wrapped my small fingers around his hand. He looked like a giant compared to me but even before, every time he touched me he was so gentle. As if I was only seconds away from shattering. It almost didn't fit a man like him. 

A strand of his dirty-blonde hair fell over his forehead as his mismatched eyes found mine, a sense of confusion hiding behind his gaze. I didn't speak, I only gave him a small smile. 

I tugged him towards the front door of the apartment building and led him upstairs until we stood in the middle of my room. I wasn't even thinking about my actions. And because I didn't think it through, the drawings and paintings that resembled him way too much were still scattered everywhere. 

"Fuck," I mumbled under my breath and let go of his hand, hurrying to pick them up and store them out of his sight before he would get the wrong idea. Hell, I didn't even know why his face or, more importantly, his eyes popped into my head so often whenever I was painting. Maybe we were more than friends in another life. 

There was an article I read not that long ago. Souls that were connected in one life tend to find each other again. Once connected beyond the physical form, no one can escape the other again. Even if the way we drew hearts and the actual form of one. If you took two of them and sew them together, it's exactly the same shape. We needed each other not to exist but to actually live. And maybe he was the lost part of my soul. Maybe, somewhere in between the eons of existence, we became a part of each other and that was why it was so hard to let him go. 

His calloused digits wrapped around my hand as he stopped me from picking up the pieces of paper. I didn't even see him kneel in front of me until he touched me. But his eyes weren't on me. He was staring at the same pair put on paper. 

I held my breath. 

"Are those ... " 

I nodded. "I don't know why." 

He looked at me and I could tell he was calculating something. He was silent but his gaze told me that he was trying to piece something together. I just wasn't sure what it was. 

"I sometimes don't know ... what I'm drawing until ... " I fell silent and looked down at the painting of blue and amber. 

Zach was barely breathing at this point. He only leaned a little closer to me and I rerouted my gaze to meet his. My lips parted and I didn't dare to utter another word. His eyes were intense. He was trying to figure something out. His scent surrounded me and inhaled shakily, finding my own thoughts scattered around much like everything else in my life. But I felt at peace. 

My chest elevated and I, too, leaned just a little closer. His warm breath hit my lips and my grip around the paper tightened, leaving some creases. His eyes traveled down to my mouth and back to my eyes. I felt my heart pounding against my chest. I didn't know why I brought him here, I just ... It didn't even matter at this point.