Forbidden Territories

Chapter 6: Someone Like You

I was anxious to the point I couldn't sleep. I kept looking at the alarm clock on my nightstand, watching the minutes tick by but each one felt like an hour. I couldn't fuck up this interview, that much I knew. I needed to focus on getting my life in order, I needed to focus on setting myself straight, whatever it took. I knew that until I would manage that, I couldn't keep someone like Zach in my life. And truth be told, I missed him. I missed that stupid grin of his and the sparkle that crossed his eyes every single time just a moment before he started to laugh. 

He was loud and clumsy but he brought a sense of serenity with him that I didn't know before him. At least, I didn't remember knowing it. Everything was such a goddamn mess and I, once again, found myself right in the middle of it. Nothing made sense and I didn't have the heart to drag him down with me. Maya was right. I should stay away from him. But I couldn't help but wonder what was he doing? How was he doing? Was he okay? Was he in the bar drunk? Did he get into fights? I couldn't even ask Maya if she had seen him in the bar, knowing full well what her reaction would be. 

What I wished for the most at that moment, was that my phone would ring. He hasn't called for over a week now. Despite the clock reading already over 3 a.m., I hoped that call would come. He would say something stupid and laugh and I'd feel better. I could practically imagine the conversation in my head already. But I knew it wasn't coming. And for the first time, since we stopped talking, I felt my heart sink in my chest. He always wanted to know everything and even more than that ━ he always listened. He listened to every word I said, kept his eyes on me. But after he got hurt because of my loud mouth ... I couldn't stand to face him anymore. I couldn't handle it. Again, it was about me. I was selfish but this time, I thought, I was so sure I was doing the right thing. 

***

I didn't remember falling asleep. A groan passed my lips when my phone began buzzing atop the nightstand. I reached for it and turned the obnoxious sound off before I groaned into the pillow. As much as I was a morning person, I still needed more than two hours of sleep. I felt like I got hit by a train. 

Pulling my legs from under the duvet, I set my feet to the ground and just sat there for a couple of minutes. I took a deep breath, my eyes out the vast bedroom window. It was a beautiful day outside but I felt like a wreck. Maybe I should call him before I go. No. No, Via, you can't. You need to let him go, I thought. 

Groaning, I dragged myself into the bathroom, where I washed my face in a failed attempt to wake myself up. Coffee. Coffee would do. Coffee would do the job. 

I entered the kitchen only to find the apartment empty. On the counter laid a small note. 

　　"I was called in for an early shift. Stop by when you're done with the interview. ━ M." 

Who knew working in a bar also meant being called in for more shifts. Maya was hardworking since I could remember. She had a good focus on things, something I lacked. The only time I could truly concentrate was when I painted. There was something about the way a brush or charcoal moved against the smooth, blank surface that shut off my mind. Maya knew that. I remember the first paycheck she got when we moved into this apartment. She spent it on a brand new set of brushes and canvases. 

She set up my room while I was out grocery shopping and she waited for me right by the front door. Her hands clapping together in excitement and I couldn't put two and two together until she led me into my bedroom. She worked hard for that money but she always made sure I had what I needed before she spent the money on herself. She gave me more than I could ever give her. Even though we were adults, she always took care of me. It wasn't fair to her but ... She never complained. And I owed her more than just my life.