As Long As I Am With You

36

December 31, Day 2

I opened my eyes and stretched my sore limbs, every night's full of tears. I never slept on the couch but beside him with my hand interwined with his. Today's the last day of this year, I would rather spend it with Apollo. No one from my family know about this, I know how'd they react, I'd rather not tell them.

And yes, his parents are still mad at me. Carol's been ignoring me whenever she'd come visit. I stood up from my seat and went to the bathroom. I turned on the sink and washed my face, I jolted a bit when the cold water touched my face. I took few rolls of paper towel and dabbed it on my face. I looked at my reflection.

My face's swollen. My eyes and nose are red as crimson. Eye bags are getting darker and my skin turned dull and tired. I got out of the bathroom and sat next to Apollo again. "Good afternoon" I greeted him with a half smile. I looked at the time, we have few hours left before 12 am hits.

Everyone would probably be with their loved ones tonight, waiting together for the new year to come.
They'll do the countdown together, and couples would have their New Year's Kiss. I looked at the table and saw the necklace I gave him, I stood up and got it on my hand. He would wear this every day. It makes my day whenever I see him wearing it.

I went back to my seat and looked around the room. Low light on at all times, and there are cords hanging down for the nurses call button and the IV solutions. An electronic machine sitting on a cart with odd wires leading from it. The bedside table has several get well cards and a bouquet of flowers. I sighed and took a deep breath.

Few days before the accident were the best things I had with anyone in years, since before I could remember in fact. Why does fate or destiny whatever you want to call it let us be together and be happy for few months then almost let him go through this? Man, this world is unfair, this has fucked me up. So good.

I thought of what his reaction would be if he'll gain his consciousness. I thought of what will happen to me if I go back to New York with this stupid shattered heart. I thought of what would people say when they hear about this. Will they blame me? Will they get mad at me? Will the way they look at me be changed? Will they hate me? Unanswered questions swirled around my head.

My head was hanging low from guilt, grief, shame. I feel a tightness in my chest as my breathing fastened. I gripped on my hair and shut my eyes.
I broke down crying, I didn't care anymore and let it all out.

I felt a huge lump in my throat as I was crying. "Why does it have to be me?" I cried with a strained voice. I slouched and rested my elbows on his bed and pressed my eyes with the back of my hands. My nose all runny, my head pounding, my whole body trembling, my chest tightened making it difficult for me to breathe.

It went on like that for few more hours, just thinking of how pathetic I am, that this wouldn't happen if I weren't here. This wouldn't happen if I won't let myself fall for him. This wouldn't happen if I asked him that stupid question. I'm just a whole crappy person with bad luck resting on my shoulders. Then passing it to someone who doesn't even deserve it.

I used my phone and received a lot of messages from my friends and family, telling me how excited they are for the new years. I turned it off and placed it on the table, I crossed my arms and placed it on his bed, I pressed my forehead on my swollen forearms and closed my eyes. I slowly drifted to sleep.

-

I felt a hand caressing my head, from the way the person caressed me I can tell who it is, I lifted my chin slowly and opened my eyes. I saw Apollo with his eyebrows furrowed, my eyes widened when my eyes met his. He wiped the year that escaped my eye.

I jolted up and my head shot up, I looked at him and gritted my teeth. "dream, a fucking dream" I said, rubbing my temples. I looked at the clock that was hanging on the wall. 11:24 pm. Great, everyone must be ending their year happily, while mine is the exact opposite of theirs. I sighed and walked out of his room. I walked through the empty corridors of the hospital, it was cold. My arms are wrapped around me to keep the heat within me. I bought myself hot coffee. "Happy New Year" the man who served my coffee said. I cleared my throat, "You too." I said with a forced smile.

I walked myself back to Apollo's room. It was really quiet I can hear my footsteps. I got inside his room and sat down, sipping from my coffee. I grabbed the remote of the TV and switched it to where the countdown will be held. "We have 25 minutes left! This year will finally end! Yeah!" I watched the news reporter, she jumped up and down as she was excited. I sat there quietly, I reached for Apollo's hand and caressed it.

After for a few minutes I finally finished my coffee and the countdown is about to start.

I closed my eyes with Apollo's hand on my cheek. "25!" They counted all together. I bit my lip, trying to stop my tears from rolling down. "24!" They yelled out. I suddenly broke down crying again, "20!"

"Apollo please wake up.." I murmured, I clenched my jaw and squeezed his hand. I took a big breath, "13!" They all counted. I cried even more, letting out a loud whimper. "7! 6!" They shouted all together. Tears are flowing like there's no tomorrow, my heart was beating so fast and my world felt like it's spinning, round and round.
"3! 2! 1!" I heard from the TV, "Happy New Year!" They celebrated.

"happy new year" I said between my sobs, I kissed his hand and placed it on my cheek. "Please wake up.." I said, I was catching air for me to breathe. I wiped my tears away. "I'll do anything you want if you'll wake up, baby please..?" I sobbed.

"I'd dance in the middle of the ice rink for you" I bit my lower lip, the sound of the heart monitor stabbed me. "I'd do the most embarrassing shit ever just to see you happy..please..?"

"I don't want to leave" my voice cracked, I shook his leg trying to wake him up even though I know he won't. If he'll wake up, I'm never going to leave him by his side.

"I miss you"

January 1, Last Day.

I stood up from the couch and got out of the room. I looked around, I finally stopped in the hospital lounge. I walked up to him, "H-hi.." I said. He lifted his chin, "oh hi!" He smiled. "I'm Winter" I said, quietly.

His eyebrows furrowed, he let out an awkward giggle, "I'm Kevin.." he said. "How can I help you?" He said with his British accent.

"I saw you playing the guitar the other day" I said, I started playing with my fingers at the back. He nodded.

"I'm just wondering if I could borrow your guitar?" I cleared my throat and took a glance from his left where his guitar was resting.

His eyes curved upwards, "Yeah! You can, just don't bring it home" he joked and handling me his guitar, he took a sip from his drink.

"I'll be here" I said, he told me that he'll be hanging around the lounge. I nodded and went back to Apollo's room. I opened the door and saw the nurse taking down his vital signs. She smiled at me and left the room, our shoulders brushed. I closed the door gently and sat on the chair beside Apollo.

"Today's my last day.." I said, caressing his soft, now pale face. I put the capo on the 9th fret of the guitar.

I took a deep breath and cleared my throat, "I don't usually sing, but I will. Just for you" I smiled bitterly.