Strange Coincidences: Johnlock AU

Chapter Sixteen

 John Watson 

I dislike declarations or last notes such as these. I find them cliché, overused, and utterly pointless.

I am a hypocrite.

First, the logistics. I have instructed Mycroft to pay for my half of the rent at the flat indefinitely, should you choose to stay at Baker Street.

Second, a confession. Over a year ago, I was made aware of Moriarty. Since then, I have worked with numerous challenges and solved crimes that have been constructed with Moriarty as the conductor. Months ago, the moment you first saw the body at the hotel and you remarked that it looked like your sister, I had a suspicion that this had something to do with Moriarty. Once I discovered that Magnussen played a role in this and he worked for Moriarty, I knew that I could not let you become a pawn in Moriarty's little game to get me.

Last night, I wrote this letter. As we worked on the files together, a plan started hatching in my mind.

You are reading this. I am sitting elbow to elbow next to Moriarty and hopefully taking him down. I fear this would involve myself.

I plan to burn with him.

It is with a heavy heart that I write this John. Believe me, I do not wish to cause you any pain. I am sincerely sorry.

When I first bumped into you on the street, I had no idea how extraordinary you were going to be John Watson. I didn't know that you'd be the one to finally crack me.

Perhaps you think me incapable of love, maybe not worthy of love. I thought so myself. I thought myself superior to this emotion that had broken so many others.

How foolish of me?

Since I was nine and I first witnessed the destructive consequences of love, I've thought of it as a chemical defect in the brain. It paralyzes the victim and makes them short-sighted, unable to see the bigger picture and ignorant of all warning signs, however obvious they may be.

Don't be mistaken, I am not in love with you. To be in love is not a statement that one should value so greatly.

No John. I am so much more than in love with you.

 

You must understand. Moriarty sought you (by using your sister, she is your pressure point) out because he knew that if I lost you , it would no doubt destroy me. It would crush every ounce of spirit and will in me.

He knows that I myself do not care for anything with the exception of you. He knows I don't care very much for even myself. 

 

I am the greatest hypocrite of them all because I let it all blindside me. I forgot how weak I could be, how susceptible I could be. And because I let myself completely fall for you, I've now put you and myself to risk. 

Moriarty will never stop until he reaches his goal, to destroy my completely. 

It is only my duty to solve this once and for all. I cannot risk you anymore.

 

I wish I could stay.

 

I would bleed for you until I'm dry. I would eat fistful after fistfuls of broken glass for you. I would do anything. I would rip down the sky. I would lose ten of my fingers if only I could stay with you. No matter how painful it is to sit next to you everyday and not be able to touch you. I would stand it.

I would do anything to stay at our small flat.

But I would not risk your life. I would never risk you. If I wasn't where I am now, if I wasn't talking to Moriarty and rising to his bait, you'd be in so much danger. I would never let that happen.

So no, I am not simply in love with you. It would be so much simpler if I were.

 

Yours,

William Sherlock Scott Holmes