How Not to Vampire - Season 2

6. Fools, Lies and Other Inconveniences

Protip for Vampires #102: A well-planned revenge is sweet; a badly timed one... not so much.

Me coming face to face with Jaime in the middle of the most popular club in town, was a lot different that I had imagined. It's not something I had ever imagined, mind you, especially not when the only thing I'd had on my mind only moments earlier was stabbing her boyfriend in his stupid fucking face. If I had thought about it, I would have imagined that it would be raining or something properly dramatic like that, but instead it was just me, face-t0-face with the love of my life, completely unable to say anything.

There was absolutely no way I was going to be stabbing anybody now, stupid face or not. Everything had of course gone wrong. Murphy's Law, hold my beer: Bob's Law was now in full effect.

"Jaime..." I breathed, drinking in the sight of her, unable to believe that Jaime was there. She looked like she had seen a ghost, and for a second I remembered Sammy mentioning that she'd heard I was dead. I tried to shake the thought, wanting the world to go away and leave us alone for an eternity.

Unfortunately, Beatrice had other ideas. She looked from Jaime to my stricken expression and let out a deep sigh that threatened to be a growl.

"They said you'd been murdered," Jaime breathed back at me, and was that a tear in her eye? Whoever (probably Sebastien) was going around telling people that I was dead, really needed to shut the fuck up. I moved to step closer to Jaime, to reassure her—

"Nope, not dead!" Beatrice interjected and yanked my upper arm, bringing me back to the harsh reality that was the interior of the Hall of the Drunken King and Sebastien's gang of friends who were watching us with mouths gaping. "You're fucking up the plan Bob!" She whispered, and then loudly: "You two can catch up later: we're leaving!" Beatrice steered me away from Jaime, definitely not taking no for an answer. Damn she was strong.

"But—" I protested, and Beatrice squeezed my arm as she dragged me toward the stairs.

"Goddamit, Bob, not another word!"

I was suddenly aware of a dozen pairs of eyes on me, following my every movement as we passed them on the way to the stairs. Sebastien's friends had found a reason to be curious about me, and the whispers had already begun, all of them watching Beatrice knowing exactly who she was. I was the wildcard, the unknown variable, a new vampire they had never met: an Accidental. I was surprised someone hadn't pulled out a cellphone to record for social media and preserve for all eternity.

Sebastien stepped forward to put his arm around Jaime's waist, and I felt a slight thrill of pleasure at how Jaime flinched at his touch. I realized then that she was still looking at me through the small sea of people that now separated us. Even as I was pulled away from her, her gaze never wavered. It was like a scene from one of the endless educational chick flicks I had spent the past six months watching, where the girl realizes she's not with the right guy. At that moment, I felt I had won. Sebastien whispered something in Jaime's ear, and she broke her gaze, turning to smile broadly and lovingly at Sebastien. It was as if Sebastien had flipped a switch and for Jaime I had never even existed--

"He's glammered Jaime," I growled, speaking before I had even formed the thought properly. "That motherfucker glammered my girlfriend!" I realized what I had said, and corrected myself. "Ex-girlfriend—"

"So what?" Beatrice snapped and nodded to the huge Frankenstien's monster-looking motherfucker guarding the entrance to the stairs. He was dressed in an impeccably tailored suit, so he looked more like Lurch from the Addams Family, since Frankenstien's monster had never had much style. Beatrice hooked her thumb over her shoulder at me."This idiot's with me. He's new."