How Not to Vampire - Season 2

21: Something In the Way

Pro-Tip for Vampires #333: vampires suck

"Fuck," Louise swore and jerked the curtain closed in a way that was 100% completely not suspicious. She stood on the back of the couch to see out the window, the word "window" being loosely applied here to the thin slit near the ceiling that looked out onto the street. Claude and Doreen hurried over to peer out the window, clambering over each other to look, while I surprisingly had no reaction and sipped my weak-ass coffee. I had already gone through the short list of things that would make Louise freak out, and because of the nosedive my life had taken into the dumpster, I could only come up with one answer.

"The Gentlemen are here, aren't they?" I asked in a way that surprised even me. Like Holy shit, why was I so calm?

Doreen wasn't so calm; she backed away from the window, a whimper coming from her lips, and stumbled on the edge of the cushion. I reacted before I knew what I was doing, spun out of the chair and caught her by the arm before she could faceplant onto the floor. You know, because vampire speed comes in useful sometimes.

Startled, Doreen looked up, and I could tell that she was terrified to her core. Her face had drained of all colour, and from her panicked breathing, she was already hyperventilating like crazy, heading into a full panic.

"Doreen, it's okay," I said quietly, feeling the sheer terror coming off of her in waves. It was so strong, my own hand began to tremble. I fought it down and continued. "Those sheep fuckers can't hurt you. Not anymore."

"I can't--" Dorren shook her head, her face stricken. She opened her mouth to say more, but then turned and escaped to the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

"Explain what just happened," Louise snapped, her expression calculating.

I took a moment, almost deciding to go after Doreen to make sure she was okay, but then I turned back to my friends. So much had happened and we hadn't had time to catch up properly. I couldn't even remember the last proper conversation I'd had with Claude.

"Mister Flynn made her kill her girlfriend," I explained.

"Well, that would definitely do it," Louise said. She nodded to me. "Were you the one who glammered her to make her forget?"

"Nope. That was all Beatrice."

An expression that I couldn't quite pin down flittered its way across Louise's face and then was gone. "Of course it was," she murmured, then turned to Claude. "Are they on the move yet?"

"They're just sitting in the car. Arguing."

I peered through the crack, my mind racing. A shiny black 1960 Cadillac Coupe DeVille was parked on the opposite side of the street, the blacked-out windows a dead giveaway that it was a car driven by vampires. The back window was rolled down, revealing what was clearly Mr. Sinnel, fervently arguing with his companions. From the redness of his face and the puffiness of his cheeks, I'd say he was losing.

I glanced at the shade of Ibrahaim in the corner. It never seemed to be more than ten feet away from me, no matter where I went. I was glad it was far away enough that I could use the bathroom in peace, but if I sat still for too long, it drifted closer, full of malevolence and spite. Motherfucker.

"They're not coming in," I said and shrugged at the questioning look Louise shot my way. "I think, and I'm saying this carefully here: they're terrified of Ibrahaim, especially after last night's encounter." I purposely mumbled the last part, conveniently covering my mouth with my elbow.

"You had an encounter last night?" Claude asked wryly.

"Goddammit, Bob," Louise snapped. "You gotta stop holding out on us."