A totally expected journey

Bloody Trolls

Shania's POV
It's been some time since Abi introduced the Dwarves to the ice bucket challenge. After that the other Dwarves started to warm up to her a whole lot more. I think Dori has actually started to mother her. At the same time as Nori trying to teach her tricks to pick pocketing. She's become somewhat of a menace, or maybe it's just that she focuses her new pick pocketing powers on me. The upside is that I can steal stuff from her and she can't complain about it. So yeah, Nori did a wonderful thing.
Right now I'm listening in, sneakily, to Thorin, Gandalf and Laura's conversation. Dansoa's riding with Laura, but seems to be staying out of the conversation.
"Come Thorin it cannot hurt you to seek counsel from the Elves," Gandalf said with a slight huff. The current conversation had been going on for some time.
"The Elves betrayed my kin, I will not go near that valley," Thorin replied for the fifth time in this one argument. He was starting to get really agitated.
"Man why are the male species so against getting help?" Laura asked no one in particular causing Thorin to glare at her. I tuned out after that knowing it was a loosing argument that would just spin in circles. I decided instead to focus more on Kílí who was chatting on about some embarrassing experience of Fílí's.
"...And then she went and threw the mug of ale he had gotten her right in his face," Kílí finished with a laugh. I laughed as well, I'd only heard half the story, but I didn't want to tell him that. I'd grown very close to Kílí over the time that we've been travelling together. A few weeks ago he asked me it I wanted to spar with him. I agreed and kicked his ass. I may have even developed a slight crush on him. Every now and then Laura or one of the girls would point it out and I'd slap them for being obvious. The one thing I didn't want, was for the rest of the company to know about my little crush. For one thing Fílí would be torturous to be around. There would be no end to the teasing and I won't even start on how awkward it would be around Kílí. Although every now and again the other girls will point out that Kílí is staring at me. When I turn around he's always looking away, but they all swear that he has been doing it increasingly, so I don't know what to think.
"Shania, are you alright?" Kílí asked breaking into my thoughts.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I replied. Kílí nodded then went on talking.
Time past and Thorin called for us to stop at a run down farmhouse. It looked very familiar. Where have I seen it before. When I saw Gandalf storm off it clicked. Trolls. Bloody trolls.
Maybe a run isn't such a good idea tonight. So I sat down with Laura, Abi and Dansoa. Abi was looking anxiously around. Dansoa looked somewhat nervous. While the eminent threat of Trolls didn't seem to faze Laura at all. She just sat there waiting for dinner. I decided to follow her example and eat while I could.
Dinner was gone quick and soon I was contemplating what to do when the Trolls came. I was so deep in thought, I didn't notice that Bilbo and Abi left to give Fílí and Kílí their dinner till Fílí came charging into the clearing yelling.
"TROLLS!!! They've.... got.... the ponies," he said between gasps. The rest of the company were on their feet getting their weapons ready in a second. I stood up too, but Thorin glared at me.
"No you stay here," he said firmly. Glaring at us. Dansoa and Laura looked content with staying, but I felt defiant.
"You know I'm a good fighter Thorin," I said. Thorin glared.
"In hand to hand maybe, but against Trolls that will do you no good and you have no weapons," he pointed out. I growled in annoyance. He seemed somewhat taken aback with that. After a second he sighed and cursed in Dwavish.
"Fílí, get her a weapon quickly!" He called. My eyes lit up in excitement. Fílí came forward and held a sword out to me. I took it and copied Thorins stance. It seemed to come easily to me. Like I'd been doing it all my life. As soon as I had it we ran off leaving the three others behind.
We ran as quickly and quietly as possible towards the Troll camp. Just as it came into sight we heard Kílí.
"Drop him!!!" He yelled.
"You wha'?" One of the Troll asked.
"I said drop him," Kílí repeated confidently. What he didn't foresee was the Trolls complying as enthusiastically as they did and Bilbo flying into him. We reached the camp at said time and barrelled in. For a couple of seconds I watched Thorin then tried to replicate his movements. It was easier than I thought. Too easy, too easy in fact. I shouldn't be this good, this is the first time I've held a sword. What's happening to me?!
"Oi, drop yer arms, or we'll rip 'er's off!" I stopped short and I turned slowly. There where I expected to see Bilbo being held by the Trolls, I saw Abi being held in the air by her arms and legs. Her facial expression was a mix of terror and utter frustration.
"Abi!" Kílí cried trying to rush forward, but Thorin stopped him. We all looked at Thorin who seemed torn. In the end he stuck his sword in the ground. The rest of us copied and threw our weapons down. Ori's attempt to be moody was quite amusing. A couple of minutes later we were all stuffed in sacks or, in Abi's case, tied to a spit and roasting over a fire. I didn't envy her current position stuck just above Dwalin, or to three right of him. Seeing as they're horizontal not vertical. She looked absolutely stunningly frustrated. Why, I can't imagine. Maybe it's because she got caught by Trolls. My position at present time isn't much better. I had I red faced Fílí in quite a awkward place. Yeah he was getting a face full of boob. Actually now that I think about it I do envy Abi's position.
Bilbo's POV
I don't believe it. The whole company, minus Laura, Dansoa and Gandalf, have been captured by Trolls and all because of my horrible attempt at pickpocketing. I should have listened to Abi and let her do the dirty work. She wouldn't have made such a mess.
*flashback*
I walked down with Abi to give Fílí and Kílí their dinner, but when we got there the two Dwarves were standing there with fore lone expressions on their faces, looking at the ponies.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
Abi sighed.
"We were supposed to be looking after the ponies," Kílí said.
"Only we've come across a slight problem, we had 18," Fílí continued.
"Now there's 16," Kílí finished. Abi just shook her head at the two.
"How the hell did you loose two ponies?" She asked incredulously as we searched for which two horses were missing.
"Umm well, that's a story for another time," Kílí said smiling nerviously at Abi's face of complete announced.
"Yeah, now we have to find the ponies," Fílí said.
"On that note, Daisy and Bongo are missing," Kílí stated.
"Shouldn't we tell Thorin?" I asked.
"No no, lets not worry him," Fílí said.
"We were thinking, seeing as you're our official burglar, you could look into it," Kílí said.
"You mean you don't want to receive the brunt of Thorin's anger that you didn't do your job," Abi muttered under her breath so that I could only just hear her.
"Well it seemed that something big uprooted these trees," I noted.
"Our thoughts as well," Fílí noted. "Something big and potentially very dangerous," from the corner of my eye I could see Abi with arms crossed rolling her eyes.
"There's a light," Fílí suddenly said and the four of us were running towards it. Before we could really get there though the most enormous creature came stomping through the trees. Even I could tell it was a Troll. But Fílí decided that we didn't know and enlightened us.
"Troll," he hissed
"He's got Maisy and Myrtle," I hissed when I saw he did. Then quite against my better judgement I followed the two young Dwarves to the edge of their campsite. We listened and found that they were going to eat the ponies. I've grown very attached to Myrtle despite myself and I couldn't let that happen.
"They're going to eat the ponies, we have to do something," I cried out quietly. The look the two dwarves in front of me gave me almost made me regret my words.
"Yes, yes you should," Kílí said. My eyes widened and I tried to say no.
"Trolls are stupid and slow, and you're so light on your feet they'll never see you," Fílí and Kílí took the bowls of stew and pushed me out with the promise of.
"If you get into trouble hoot twice like a barn owl and once like a brown owl," I was about to tell them that I can't hoot like any owl so much as hang off the celling like a bat, but when I turned only Abi stood behind me. She sighed then started slowly towards the Troll camp. I followed cautiously. We hid beside the ponies for a second.
"Bilbo, I'm going to grab that Trolls knife, stay here," she said. But I decided that seeing as I'm the official burglar, I should do the stealing. Before Abi had a moment to move, I was already at the Troll. It turned from bad to worse after that. As I was reaching for the knife the Troll it belonged to reached around to grab his handkerchief and grabbed me as well in the process. I got completely covered in Troll bogies. Not the nicest thing in the world.
"Look what came out of me hooter! It's go' arms an' legs an' everything, I don't like the way it wriggles around," and with that the Troll threw me down. I used this to try and get away, but I inadvertently got caught again.
"Wha' are yeh?" One of the Trolls asked.
"I'm a burgler, uh, Hobbit," I quickly corrected myself.
"A burglarhobbit?" One of the Trolls asked and I almost sighed in relief at their stupidity.
"Can we eat 'im?" I froze.
"'Ee wouldn't make more 'an a mouthful once 'e's been skinned an' boned," one of my captors noted.
"Maybe 'ere's more of 'em out in the woods, we could make a pie," another said to my dismay.
"Well burglarhobbit, are there more of ya out in the woods?" Another asked. I shook my head ferociously determined not to betray the dwarves.
"Ee's lying, stick 'is toes over the fire, make 'im squeal," I felt petrified. Then Kílí came bursting into the clearing.
"Drop him!!!," He yelled.
"You what?" A troll asked.
"I said drop him," Kílí replied this time calmer. The Troll did just what he asked. He dropped me, well more like threw me at Kílí. A second or two later the rest of the company came barging out crying terrible battle cries. It took me a moment to regain my senses. When I did, I saw Abi. She was scurrying through the chaos. Towards the knife I had failed to steal from the Troll. She grabbed it and proceeded to free the ponies. The only problem with that was that it got one of the Trolls attention. He saw Abi and snarled. I tried to warn Abi of the hand reaching for her, but I wasn't quick enough. By the time she realised the eminent danger it was too late. He grabbed her and forced the Dwarves to drop there weapons which lead us to the current situation.
We're all stuffed into horrid smelling sacks, or on a spit roasting over the fire.
I had to do something. When I heard the Trolls squabbling over how to cook us and one of them said that they didn't fancy being turned into stone by the dawn, I got an idea.
"No, no, you're making a big mistake!" I cried.
"You can't reason with them, they're halfwits," someone yelled.
"Halfwits? What does that make us?" Someone else cried. My mind was working fast.
"I mean you're cooking them wrong, a little bit of sage won't do it, have you smelt them?" That started the Dwarves. They yelled insults.
"Shh let the flugeberberhobbit talk," the apparent cook growled.
"Well the secret to cooking Dwarves is to...... skin them first," oh there was an uproar. I felt particularly scared that Dwalin was yelling that he wouldn't forget it.
"Tom, get me filleting knife," the cook said.
"What a load of hogwash, I've eaten plenty of dwarves with their skins on, boots an' all," the leader said. At that moment I saw the grey shape of Gandalf whip past.
"Yeah, nothing wrong with a bit of raw Dwarf," he picked Bombur up and held him over his mouth.
"Nice and crunchy," he said.
"Wait! No you can't eat that one, he's got worms, in his... tubes," the Troll seemed to buy it and threw Bumbur on top of poor Kílí.
"In fact they all do, they're riddled with parasites, I wouldn't risk it, I really wouldn't," I said.
"Did he say we have parasites?" Oin asked.
"Yes he did, parasites, we don't have parasites, you have parasites," I rolled my eyes at they're stupidity. Thorin at least seemed to get what I was doing and kicked Kílí in the head. The Dwarves looked at each other and realisation dawned on them.
"I-I have parasites as big as my arm," Oin said.
"I've got the biggest parasites, my parasites are huge," Kílí confirmed and soon everyone was detailing the Trolls on what sort of parasites they had.
"So what do you suggest we do? Let 'em go?" The leader asked. I pretended to consider it.
"Well..." But the Troll cut me off.
"Don't think I don't see what you're doing, this little ferret is taking us for fools," I felt quite insulted at being called a ferret.
"Ferret?!" It seemed the two other Trolls felt offended by being called fools.
"Fools?!" The cried.
"The dawn will take you all!!!" Came the cry from above us on a rock.
"'Oo's that?" One Troll asked.
"Can we eat him too?" And with that Gandalf struck the rock and showered us in the morning light. I watched in amazement as the three Trolls turned into stone. The Dwarves cheered at the rescue. I felt relieved as well, but at the same time I was evaluating my life choices. I hope I do get back to my armchair.