Saving Death

Chapter 21

How long did he have left? This same question echoed in my mind and stretched life into one thought. I couldn't sleep; I couldn't eat; I couldn't concentrate at college even though there were only a few days left until the holidays. I had no idea how much time had passed. Time.

"You need to eat, love," my dad said, placing yet another plate of food in front of me. I didn't bother looking to see what it was. I wasn't hungry...

Day passed into night. Night passed into day. Messages came. Sam. Sam. Louisa. Sam. Louisa. Voicemails blinked. I'd turned my phone off eventually. Then that voice was there...

"I need to see her. Please, Pete. I just want to talk."

"I don't think that's a good idea."

I felt exhausted...of everything; of life. I was frozen. I just couldn't find the will to do this anymore. I'd been through too much and I needed to breathe.

"Ava? Your dad asked me to come and see you. We should make the most of our time off. Do you want to go out?"

"No, thanks," I mumbled, watching as Louisa got up and left again.

His voice.

"Ava, please! Just let me in. I need to talk to you."

A glimpse of his face before my Dad swept him out again.

Weeks passed, then it all stopped. No more messages. No more voicemails. No more visits. No more of those eyes. No more of that voice. No more Sam. My insides screamed in agony, but the fact was I didn't have the energy to do anything about it. I was tired of fighting, and what if...what if seeing him made it all real? What if I was too late? What if I'd already lost him? How long ago had I found out the truth? My heart ached when I thought of his horrified gaze as I'd left without a word. I couldn't even begin to imagine how he felt now. All I knew, was how terrible I felt.

"Ava?"

I was huddled under the bus stop watching the rain. It was the first day back after two weeks of holiday. It hadn't really registered with me, but now I was back. I should have been in English, but half way there, I'd found myself changing direction. Instead, I'd walked to the bus stop, in spite of the dreadful weather. I couldn't face people, my dad included. I'd decided to wait here until it was time to leave.

"Ava, honey?" came the voice again.

I looked up into luminous green eyes.

"Ava..."

"Seline?" I uttered, confused.

"Yes," she said, smiling kindly and placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Seline," I whispered. Seline was here and relief swept over me. Without warning, everything I'd felt over the last weeks crumbled inside me as a sob escaped my lips. She encircled me in her arms, just as my mum would have done if she'd still been here. My face was pressed into her woollen coat and I clung to her as if my life depended on it. I was sure I caught a lingering aroma of Sam, which only made me sob louder.

"Seline. I'm sorry," I said, sniffing, "I just can't... I couldn't..."

"Come on," she whispered, putting an arm around my shoulder and walking me down the road. I didn't know where we were going, but I didn't care—then I stopped in my tracks, fear suddenly gripping me. I had to know.

"Seline. Sam..." I hadn't uttered his name in weeks and it caught in my throat.

"He's alive," she said. I breathed a sigh of relief and watched her walk towards a small red car, which was parked on the side of the road. "Get in," she said. I climbed in after her without a word, but as we began to drive, something felt wrong. Seline was too quiet and her eyes seemed too fixed on the road ahead.