Saving Death

Chapter 3

It was with mild surprise that I realised my first day at college had come so soon. New lessons and a new me, I thought as I looked out the car window. Hopefully, I could finally leave the old me behind, the one that everybody was expecting me to get back to. I wasn't the bright-eyed, carefree student I used to be. I was a different Ava now. I wasn't sure if this was the kind of Ava people would like, but I was done trying to please people. It was like me or leave me. Although, something inside me still screamed to please everyone.

As we pulled up outside Meadow Hill's gates in our dirty farm vehicle, I felt all eyes on me from outside. "Thanks, Dad. You really didn't need to drop me here. I could have got the bus."

"Just making sure you got here safely, love," he said, turning to face me in the cab. His mouth twitched into a wistful smile. "I've already lost one woman in my life." I stared at him and wondered what had brought him to make a comment like this. He never mentioned Mum—ever. I held my breath in anticipation of what he might say about her, but he shifted awkwardly in his seat, breaking eye contact with me, and I knew this was as far as it was going to go. Feeling deflated, I reached for the door handle.

"I know I don't talk a lot about your mum," he said. "She was the love of my life, Aves and,"—he stopped and took a deep breath—"and I regret losing her every day." He looked back up at me from furrowed brows, and I glimpsed raw emotional anguish before it was quickly veiled again. "So, I don't plan on losing you too," he finished.

I couldn't think of anything to say back. All I could do was sit and let his words sink in. He'd never spoken to me about Mum before and I didn't want to ruin the moment. Taking a steadying breath, I turned properly to face him. "You're not going to lose me, Dad." It was a shock to have anything like a conversation with my dad, let alone a heart-to-heart.

When I was growing up, it was hard for him to even look me in the eyes, which now I knew was because they were my mum's. Tears burned my eyes and I thought of something else quickly. If I directed my thoughts elsewhere, I wouldn't cry. It was something I'd become good at over the last few months. The last thing I needed were puffy eyes on my first day.

"I'll see you later, Dad," I muttered as I slid out of the cab onto the pavement. I could tell he was staring after me as I walked towards the gates, but I couldn't look back. I could already feel the nervous tension in my body, and I knew if I looked back, I'd want to go home. I had to get back to a normal life. Forcing myself along the path and through the gates, I looked to where I'd be spending most of my living hours for the next two years.

Meadow Hill Sixth Form College was a yellow brick building with a grassy common at the front. I knew it must open near the back, but the front of it looked tiny compared to where I had planned to go before I moved. A few students were milling about, laughing with friends, or heading to lessons, their heads bent against an early autumn wind. Pulling my own jacket around me, I made my way to what looked like the front office.

I pushed through a set of glass doors and the synthetic heat hit me in the face, causing a shiver to run down my spine. In front of me was a small sliding hatch that another girl was leaning through. She was talking to the secretary so quietly that I couldn't hear a word, even though I was standing directly behind her. When she finished, she pulled her scarf around her and smiled at me before heading out of the office. The girl was slight and looked about my age and I hoped she might be at least one person I could recognise in my new classes.

"Hello, love. How can I help?" A fair-haired woman in her early forties with a round, red cheeked face sat low in a swivel chair. As I moved to the hatch, she smiled at me kindly and I felt myself smile back—a reflex.

"Hi. I'm starting today," I said. The woman started moving the mouse across her desk. "My name's Ava Blume."

"Ava...Ah, yes. Ava Blume," she said, clicking something on the computer screen. "I'll just print off your timetable, Ava." I watched as she clicked a few more times and turned to collect my timetable from the printer.