TNS Piper's Problems

Chapter 4: Should I do it?

⚠️tw⚠️- mentions of self harm.

Piper's POV:

We stayed like that until I gasped and stiffened. Everyone realised this and turned to face the direction that I was looking in. Lily was standing at the entrance of the bathroom with a shocked expression on her face, and she stepped back as everyone glared at her.

"Um, my mum wants... you all to come back to studio A. I'm really sorry, Piper. I... didn't mean to hurt you like that. Um... you can come sit with us as we rehearse or you can go home... it's..it's fine." She said nervously, as I shook my head whilst giving her a small smile.

"Um thanks.. but no thanks. I'll call my dad to come pick me up." I said in a small voice. Obviously my dad won't ever pick me up, but they don't need to know that.

"Lily, you,-" Richelle started, about to stand up but Noah put a hand on her shoulder and shook his head, not wanting to stress me out even more, to which I was grateful for. She looked at me and her eyes softened but she glared back at Lily, huffed and crossed her arms, sitting down again.

"We're not going back until her dad comes and picks her up." Amy said defiantly, shooting daggers at Lily. "Um...that's okay. It's fine... I'm sorry again, Piper..um, yeah, I'll see you guys later." She muttered, looking down in guilt and shame before quietly turning around and leaving.

"The nerves of her." Kingston exclaimed as the others agreed. "Guys it's alright. My dad texted me that he's here now so I've got to go. I'll be in bright and early tomorrow morning, so I guess I'll see you guys later." I said standing up with a small smile, which contrasted harshly with my red tear stained face.

"Okay Piper, we're really sorry, by the way." Ozzy said, as I smiled at him. "No worries guys." I said, as they all pulled me into a large group hug, before I went to the carpark and they went back to their rehearsals.

I slowly walked home, feeling more alone and upset than ever. When I finally arrived, I was relieved to find everybody in the house gone; I really needed to be alone at the moment.

I just feel like the whole world is against me and it's really hard to deal with it. I pushed the feelings away instead of embracing it, so now all of my emotions have bubbled to the top. I can't deal with it anymore.

There is one thing that I thought of doing, but I'm not sure if it's a good idea.

》》》

I have been inside the bathroom for 15 minutes just staring. I've been staring at the razor in front of me, just contemplating what to do.

Should I do it? I mean, it would take the pain inside away but I don't want to get addicted to cutting, so maybe I shouldn't.

"Girl, don't touch it. I'm telling you, don't do it." The voice in my head said to me.

"I wasn't gonna, I was just thinking about it but I wasn't going to do it." I retaliated, taking a step back from the sink.

"Murderer."

"You killed my wife."

"You killed our mother."

"Most criminals don't have such privileges." The words played over in my mind, but I tried really hard to ignore them.

"I did it." I replied, solemnly to the voice, staring at the small, slightly red bandages on my arms. I really did try but I guess I wasn't strong enough.

I hid the razor at the back of my bathroom cabinet and sat on my bed, thinking about what I just did. It was almost like... a stress relief.

But I won't do it again. I can't get addicted to that; I've got to be strong for the very few people who still love me.

》》》

I tried to stop but over the course of a week and some few days, I found myself back in the bathroom doing the same thing, using up more and more bandages. I started wearing more and more hoodies which was indifferent to me in the house but at the studio, it was harder.

Everyone was starting to get suspicious with how quiet I've been and how I always wear my hoodie, even though it's always boiling in the studio.

The snide comments and remarks by my family have increased dramatically and every nasty word is like a knife to the heart. I can't believe this is how my own dad, my own brothers feel about me.

I still talk to James and Riley but they've been pretty busy with the tour; luckily for me, it means they can't notice anything different.

》》》

I got to the studio early to work on a dance and when I finished, A troupe were standing there, behind me, clapping as I smiled and blushed.

"Hey Pipes, aren't you hot in your hoodie?" Amy asked me as we were stretching and waiting for Miss Angela. "Nah, I've been feeling pretty cold in the studio lately." I replied with a nervous smile, hoping that she'd buy it and move on.

She nodded and I sighed in relief, thinking that she would drop it. All throughout the day, she and Finn had been whispering to each other, occasionally glancing at me but I shrugged it off.

"Hey Piper, well done for getting your aerial." Summer said happily as I smiled, but it faltered slightly when I noticed her and Amy talking to each other using their eyes.

"Pipes, can we talk in the locker room, please?" Amy asked me as she dashed to my side and not so discreetly shoved Summer out of the way. "Um, sure." I replied, nervous about what she would want to talk about.

"So, what'd you want to talk about?" I asked her, once we got there, but I paused when I saw Finn, crossing his arms. "Why have you been so quiet, nowadays?" She asked as I fidgeted with one of the strings on my hoodie.

"No reason, just kinda tired." I said, laughing to try and brush it off. "If something was wrong, you'd tell us right?" Finn asked gently as I stammered.

"Can you take off your hoodie, I really want to try it on." Amy said but I already knew what she was trying to do. This was the worst timing as I would usually wear long sleeved shirts underneath my hoodie just in case something like this happened but since yesterday, I started wearing short sleeved tops since I thought I had no reason to take my hoodie off.

"Um, maybe tomorrow?" I said but it came out like a question. "Please, Pipes. What's wrong with you taking it off?" She asked, tilting her head to the side. "Nothing! It's just... um..." I started, racking my brain for a good excuse but I was met with Finn and Amy's stern stares as I failed to come up with one.

"Please, Piper. We just want to help." Amy pleaded as Finn agreed with her. I sighed and grumbled as I reluctantly took off my hoodie. There weren't too many cuts but it still looked aggressive against my pale skin.

"Why, Pipes?" Finn asked softly. "We're here to help you, Pipes. Tell us what's wrong." Amy said, gently as she pulled me to sit down on the couch as they sat in front of me.

"It's just that Miss Angela has been really stressing me out and messing with my confidence. I guess this is just how I dealt with it." I mumbled, partly telling the truth but deliberately leaving out bits of information. They didn't say anything, which I was grateful for, but they brought me into a big hug as I cried.

It felt good to get at least some of it off of my chest. "We're here for you, don't ever keep your feelings to yourself, Pipes." Finn said, hugging me again. "Yeah, always come to us and the rest of A troupe, if you ever need to talk." Amy agreed. I nodded, grateful for my best friends and for the rest of the day, I was happy.

Not even the insults and remarks from my brothers and my dad made me upset, I just focused on the fact that A troupe really did love and care about me. I was forever grateful for them.