Dream (Norenmin)

32

Ok so I want to reiterate that this is fiction obviously. Also very explicit talk of rape. Please read with caution.

After things have calmed down some and the atmosphere has lightened up just a bit Jeno kisses Jaemin all over his face.
"I need to tell you some things now. It's kind of heavy but it's the truth. You deserve to know the truth." Renjun starts to get up, thinking this is between the two of them but Jeno won't have it. He grabs his arm and holds him in place while shaking his head.
"This is something that can affect all of us so you have to hear it too." Jaemin can't get the terrified look off his face, he fears what is going to come out of his mouth.
"First though I have to say this. I don't want what happened tonight to take away from earlier. Like I had one of the best orgasms I've ever had." He kisses Jaemin's face again.
"That was so special, every time I'm with you guys it's special." Jaemin puts his hand up to stop him.
"Jeno I appreciate the compliments and everything but this isn't about how good the sex was this is about some serious shit that you are going through. Don't make it about us, please. You are important to us, your well being is a top priority." Jeno looks away.
"Sorry. I guess I was trying to stall" He chuckles nervously as Jaemin gestures for him to take the middle spot so he crawls over and lays on his back. He pulls Jaemin and Renjun into his sides so they are not looking at his face, this is hard enough.
"I guess I'll start with the lie I told you guys the other night. I didn't pull a muscle, I was at the gym when I got a call from the prosecutor and I have to testify in a week and it brought up feelings I couldn't handle and I kind of slammed my shoulder into the wall, a few times." Renjun gasps but Jaemin isn't surprised since he had ran into Jaehyun at the store the following day and he kind of accidentally told him.
"I didn't want to ruin your date night and bring you down with my feelings so I hid it. And I'm sorry, I know I would feel awful if either one of you hid things from me like that. I know you want to help me through it but I don't want to be a burden, I want to be your protector and I can't do that if I'm weak." Jaemin scoffs.
"Jeno I'm sure I speak for both of us when I say we didn't fall in love with you because of your ability to protect us,We fell in love with you, all of you. Strong, weak, scared." The last one made Jaemin choke up a bit, the fear he seen in Jeno almost broke him.
"You know I was fourteen when I realized I was really in love with you? Like I knew probably since I was twelve that I was crushing on you hard but I was fourteen when it hit me that I loved you. I held it in for so long I felt like I was going to burst." He pauses to catch his breath and gather his strength.
"When I was fifteen I started writing in a journal about you. It was amazing, I finally could get it off my chest and still keep it in here." He pointed to his heart. He starts to cry softly. He can't help it, he's just happy they can't see him. Jaemin and Renjun softly smile to each other.
"Do you remember when I had mono and was out of school for like two months?" Jaemin nods solemnly.
"It was horrible, I missed you so much and I couldn't even go to your house. You know? I wouldn't have minded catching it just so long as I could have seen you." Jeno smiles and chokes on a sob at the same time, making the other two both jolt up to check on him.
"Please, don't look at me until after I say it." They both nod and lay back down on his chest. Jaemin closes his eyes and readies himself for Jeno's truth.
"I was sleeping one night, my dad was working late. When I woke up, my dads girlfriend was tying my wrists to the bed posts. I was so confused, still sleepy. Th-then she told me she read what I wrote and it wasn't right. She said I had to love women only and she took off her clothes." He's practically hyperventilating at this point and both Renjun and Jaemin are sobbing as well, knowing what he's going to say.
"You don't have to finish, if you don't want to." Jaemin whispers through his tears.
"I need you to know.
She touched me and I got hard even though I was terrified and disgusted and confused, my body betrayed me and then sh-she.
FUCK!"
He yells after a few minutes of not being able to speak.
"She r-raped me. Forced me to have sex with her. I didn't even know what to do but she hit me a lot and I co-couldn't defend myself, because I was tied up. When she was satisfied, when I came, she got off and said 'see women are better. If you love boys this is what happens' and sh-she. I felt something hard and rough being shoved inside me. It hurt so bad I passed out. When I woke up my dad was there pushing her away and calling the police. There was so much blood I thought I was dying." He breaks down again and this time Jaemin turns and crawls up to be eye level with him. He looks deep in his red eyes and kisses his lips.
Jeno hugs him tightly and sobs while Renjun holds them both.
"I couldn't go to school because I had to heal, mentally and physically. So I was seeing so many specialists, I felt terrible. My dad was amazing even though I blamed him, and at one point I even blamed my mother. I went to the cemetery and yelled at her grave, f-for not being there to protect me and leaving us and all that shit. After a while though I realized how sad my dad was and how he blamed himself so I told him I was better and didn't need therapy anymore." He stops talking again to cry more as Renjun rubs his arm and Jaemin's back while Jaemin has fully crawled on top of Jeno, crying into his neck.
"I'm so sorry this happened to you. I wish I could take it all away." Jeno nods, understanding that If the roles were reversed he would feel the same.
"I think I need to start the therapy again. The incident at the gym brought back all those feelings again and I can't handle it. I truly want to do things with both of you sexually without ruining the moment with my irrational fears." Jaemin sits up fully, straddling his waist.
"That is not irrational, you have every right to feel those feelings." Jeno nods.
"Yes but I should also be able to shut them off. After you asked me if it was ok I said yes because I told myself it was you and you would never hurt me. Deep in my heart I knew and still know that, but my subconscious took over. I'm really sorry I scared you Jaem and I hope you understand that you did nothing wrong." Jaemin nods with tears still leaking out.
"Thank you Renjun for coming when you did and doing whatever possible to help Jaem. I love you guys so much and I never want to hurt you guys ever but if I do at least you have each other." Renjun kisses him softly on the lips.
"I believe in you, you are strong. Even when you think you aren't you need to remember that you have made it this far, you have two boyfriends that love you with everything we have. You are our rock and I do believe that you are our protector in so many ways, you just have to be willing to let us protect you when you need us." Renjun says while Jaemin nods in agreement, Jeno looks at both of his loves he knows life could never be better than this and he knows it's going to take a lot to get past his hurdles but they will be there every step of the way.