Love or Hate

Chapter 18: Healing

Alex's POV

It's been two weeks since Jayden broke up with me and I can't stop crying. I know I wasn't perfect and our relationship wasn't perfect but I never would've imagine a future for me without Jayden. I hear my door open and I see Nick and Justin.

"Hey Al, how are you feeling besides sadness?" Nick asked in a calm tone. "I'm upset at myself. I've been such a bitch and a bad boyfriend to Jayden" I said. "Hey you are not a bitch or a bad boyfriend, you just have a anger problem" Justin said.

"I know I've been talking to my mom about going to anger management, I've been struggling with controlling my emotions and I tend to lash out in frustration a lot" I said. "That's good that you're taking accountability for your actions and making an effort to change for the better" Nick said.

"So you know how we've been split the last couple weeks?" Nick asked. "Yeah I know, you and Justin have been with me and the girls have been with Jayden" I said. "Ok so I talked to Erika and she said that Jayden has been working on himself mentally. I know you might not want to hear that because of the break up, but we all know you still love him and care about him" Justin said.

"I do and that's never going to change. But I also need to work on myself so tomorrow I'm going to start my anger management classes" I said. "Ok well then we'll leave you alone to mentally prepare for that and we'll talk to Monday" Nick said as he and Justin left.

Jayden's POV

Today I start my first therapy session and I'm nervous as hell. I walk into my therapist office and she tells me to sit.

"So Jayden, this session is just for us to get acquainted. If you feel a question is too personal, you can refuse to answer and we'll circle back to it once you're comfortable. Everything you say in this session is entirely confidential, except for if a court orders to see relevant records or if I believe you are pose a danger to yourself or others. Do you have any questions before we begin?" Dr Johnson asked, looking at me expectantly. Her voice was surprisingly soothing.

I shook my head, stomach tying in knots. "I'm good, thanks."

"Why don't you tell me about yourself?" She suggested, trying to prompt him.

"Um... What do you want to know?"

"Well, anything you feel comfortable sharing. It could be about your family, your hobbies, your job, your friends, your significant other-

I must have met her eyes at that point, because she paused.

"So, do you have a girlfriend?" My jaw tensed, but Dr Johnson was unfazed. "Boyfriend, then?"

I briefly worried about how she'd react- until I remembered that my mom had specifically chosen Dr Johnson because she had worked with LGBT people before. "I- uh, had a boyfriend but we broke up two weeks ago. His name's Alex." Strangely the name itself calmed me, and her soft smile made me feel at ease.

"How long were you dating before the break up?"

"We dated for three months. He was my first boyfriend actually. I had only dated girls before him, I'm bi just so you know." My legs stilled, my shoulders gradually untensed the more I talked. "He made me very happy and I still love him."

"So why exactly did you guys break up?"

"Well I was having my annual bad day where I reminisce about the worst day of my life, that I'm not comfortable talking about yet. So he tried to cheer me up but I didn't want to talk to anyone and he took it personal and his anger issues took over and he lashed out and we argued before he said I made it hard for him to love me. So the next day I just lose it and I broke up with him"

"Sounds like he plays a big part in your life. Did you ever celebrate your anniversaries?"

"Yeah we celebrated our three month anniversary when I surprised him with a picnic at our favorite park near both our houses, I got him flowers and he called me out on not telling him I loved him that day and when I did say it he got so excited and was being all lovey dovey" I said smiling at the memory.

"That sounds cute, were you friends before you started dating?"

"Um, kinda. We were actually enemies for a couple years but then we squashed it and became friends then eventually we dated"

"Interesting, so what made you guys dislike each other so much?"

"Well there were rumors going around school that he was talking about me and lying on and I confronted him about it and he somewhat confirmed it but not the whole thing and I didn't let him finish and I punched him. So for two years we hated each other over a big misunderstanding"

"Why do you think you reacted violently so quickly?"

"It's because my fight or flight response is 10x worse then the average person, and that's because I was bullied when I was in first grade but that also goes with somethings I'm not comfortable talking about yet"

"Thanks fine, have you ever been to a therapist before?"

"No only school guidance counselors. You're already better than them"

"Thank you! Now, I am going to shift the conversation a little, just so I know how to help you. What brought you here?" At my silence, she tried again. "Your mom told me a bit about your chat, and from what I understand, you've had troubles at school. However I'd like to hear it from you. I get the feeling that there's more to it?"

"Yeah, you could say that."