Fantasy |g.d.|

chapter twenty two

(this chapter goes back and forth from past to present tense to explain all that Anna is feeling)

February (the next day)

-Anna pov-

I wrap my arms around myself, trying to keep the warmth in. But no matter what I do I can't keep the cold feeling away. The pit in my stomach won't go away. Not after what we did together. The one thing I told myself I would wait for until I was ready.

But I lied. To myself.

And that's the worst feeling ever.

I kick the mulch with my old light blue tennis shoes that I brought out for old times' sake. The cool winter air bites my cheeks and nose, but I stay sitting in the swing, slowly going back and forth.

Jacob stayed the night. With his arms wrapped around me. Even his tan, muscled arms didn't keep out the cold.

In the morning he left before my parents got up. Then I had breakfast with my mother and helped her do the chores around the house before I was able to slip on the beat-up vans and escape the stifling walls of that house. That room.

I drove around for a bit, nervously tapping my fingers and flicking the car stereo on and off. My town looked different this morning. Suddenly all of the places where I had shared moments with Jacob seemed dull...stale.

Eventually, I pulled into the old park's parking lot, conveniently empty since no one was crazy enough to go to the park in the dead of winter. Except me.

"Am I crazy...?" I whisper to myself, staring down at my feet.

I avoided looking at the play structures as I got out of my car and walked over to my favorite swing, the one under the big oak tree that provides the perfect shade on a sunny day. I took a seat, dragging my feet as I swung back and forth.

I glanced at the swing to my right. Grayson's swing.

I could almost see him sitting there. A big grin on his face, the bright red Nikes on his feet, his brown hair sticking up every-which-way, and the multiple cuts, bruises, and scraps lining his arms and legs from the many falls he took daily.

Once I looked at his swing I couldn't stop looking everywhere else.

The slide we would climb up just to go back down. The monkey bars where Gray taught me how to hang upside down by my knees. The bench where we could share an ice cream cone because we couldn't afford to buy two. The poll holding up the slide where we would "chain" each other up while playing cops and robbers with Ethan, Xavier, and Cameron. And the big oak tree where Grayson and I would sit under and talk for hours.

I felt the warm tears running down my face before I even knew that I was crying. I bury my head in my hands, planting my feet in the mulch so I stop swinging.

Memories from last night run through my head. His hands all over me, the darkness, the blankets against my bare body, sweat coating every inch of me, the sound...but mostly the want my body felt...the want that was never fulfilled. The want that just left a pit in my stomach.

I sob leaves my mouth, my hand instinctively reaching up to cover the sound. My head bends down, my tears dropping and soaking into the mulch beneath me.

I'm so caught up in my own thoughts and tears that I don't notice the familiar car pull up, the very familiar person leaving the car, that person walking up to the swing set, and taking a seat on the swing to the right of me.

In fact, I don't hear them until I hear the creak of the swing next to me as he slowly swings forward. I whip my head to the right, furiously wiping my tears away.
Grayson smiles sadly, dark bags under his eyes and his hair lips on his forehead. "You too?"