Mother ~ The Sequel to Breeder

14

It was hard to grasp the sheer size of the galaxy- the cold, dark expanse of endless space- until there are untold thousands of miles between you and your child. If not for Han Solo's arms around me, I would've collapsed to the ground, wailing so loud my voice could be heard even through the commotion of the fight. Klint stared at me, his greens eyes so wide with horror I could see the whites clear around the irises. Had he ever seen his mother so broken and pathetic? No, I don't think so. All those years we spent on the run, the long, frightening nights holed up, praying the First Order wouldn't find our little hideaway, never once had I collapsed so entirely. I'd failed as a mother, failed to protect Farrow, failed to stay strong for Klint and Ben. And when I needed Greyson the most, he was off fighting in the fucking war.

"Easy, easy," Maz Kanata murmured, touching my cheek. If it were anyone else, I would've bitten her finger off, but something about her kind, ancient face made me pause. "Breathe, Astrid."

"He took him! That bastard took my son."

"Kylo Ren," Han clarified, making Maz roll her eyes as if to say, 'yeah, Han, I pieced that together.'

"Farrow... isn't even his son... he has.... no right... he just wants to... hurt me..." 

I was hyperventilating so hard my vision was starting to cloud, not enough oxygen circulating to my brain, my lungs and throat ripped raw from all the screaming.

"He took Rey too." 

As soon as Finn joined us, Klint dove at him, and the young man awkwardly scooped my eight-year-old into his arms, squeezing him tight. I should've been the one comforting my son; he needed me. That thought alone was enough to get my breathing to slow. I unclenched my jaw, putting a hand on Han's wrist, feeling his pulse and using it to steady myself.

"You alright, kid?" he asked gruffly. 

Your son used to call me kid, too.

I shook the grotesque thought from my brain, nodding. "Yes, I'm alright. I mean, no, I'm not fucking alright. My son is missing, stolen."

Han released me, helping me to my feet, keeping one hand on my shoulder. "Yeah, I know how that feels."

I nodded as though I didn't know who his son was, as though Chewbacca wasn't holding onto his grandchild as we spoke. He deserved the truth, but I couldn't handle the emotional turmoil of that conversation on top of the agony of losing Farrow.

"We have to get him back," I said through gritted teeth, struggling to hold back sobs.

Finn approached me, passing Klint into my arms. My limbs- previously jelly-like- hardened, holding my eldest child firmly; I wouldn't lose anyone else.

"We will," the former Stormtrooper assured me. His voice was deep and certain. This was not the half-hearted promise of a boy but the devoted pledge of a man. He might've been a member of the enemy army in a different life, but here and now, I saw him only as an ally. I knew as well as anyone how the First Order can hold an unwilling soul in its grip.

"You have to get to the Resistance Base." Maz fixed Han with a knowing stare. "All of you."

He sighed in resignation. "Yeah, I know, I know."

"How will we get there?" I pulled Klint away from the crook of my neck, going to wipe his tears, but he hastily smeared his face himself, spreading dirt across his cheeks and stubbornly pretending he hadn't been crying. "The boys and I took an escape pod; we don't have a ship."

Han snorted, turning and giving a wave, indicating we should follow him. "Don't worry about a ship; we've got the best one in the Galaxy."