Mother ~ The Sequel to Breeder

19

I stayed up for several hours with the rebels, planning, traveling into the recesses of my mind (those places I never wanted to visit again) searching for information to use against the First Order. It took a toll on me, and I know it hurt Finn as well. His wounds were fresher, deeper- he'd been a soldier since childhood, just like Shawn. 

After the third time I yawned, Leia put a hand on my shoulder. "Turn in for the night, Astrid. As a matter of fact, everyone, let's get some sleep."

"But, there are so many contingencies we haven't-"

General Organa held up her hand, silencing Poe mid-sentence. "We've done all we can; what we need now is rest. Tomorrow will not be easy, but we can't lose hope."

Poe escorted me to my family's rooms, both for protection and because I didn't know the way, keeping a foot of space between us, hands stuffed deep in his pockets, eyes on the floor. His brow was furrowed, his pupils flickering in response to unseen stimuli, the gears practically audible as they churned in his mind. 

Then, as though shocked with an electric charge, his head snapped up and he stopped short. "We're here."

"Oh, okay. Thanks, Commander Dameron."

"You can call me Poe. No one calls me commander, not even my lieutenants." He chuckled, ruffling his dark curls. "Anyway, sleep tight, Astrid."

I watched as he turned on his heel, leaving me for the night. "Wait!"

He stopped, turning to face me. "Is everything alright?"

"Listen, if I don't- if I don't come back-"

"You will."

"I know, but if I don't-"

"Your family, your children, they'll be taken care of, no matter what-"

"Will you just listen!" I screeched. That shut him up, and he straightened his canvas jacket, nodding once to indicate I should continue. "My brother, he was stolen for the First Order's child soldier program, just like Finn, but he- he escaped." I didn't feel like elaborating on the complexities of Kylo Ren freeing him, my head already splitting from stress and exhaustion. "I know he joined up with the resistance to the First Order, but I don't know where. In all these years, I haven't been able to find him."

"And you want me to..."

"If I don't make it back, I want my sons to meet their uncle, to have him in their life." I folded my arms tightly, giving myself a squeeze. "And I want him to know I followed in his footsteps, in our father's footsteps, that I didn't let the First Order own me."

The boys were already sound asleep, of course, considering it was closer to dawn than dusk. No, not 'the boys', only two of them. When I poked my head into their room and saw just two little faces poking out the top of the comforter, I felt a pain like a knife between the ribs, my mouth bitter with the taste of bile. My own death didn't frighten me, nor did eternal imprisonment at the hands of the Order; I'd do anything to get Farrow back. 

"Honey?" I called quietly, not wanting to wake up Klint or Ben. "Are you still up?"

"Yeah, in here."

The rooms were small and cold and damp, but at least we had our own bed, a thick, scratchy blanket stretched over a bed just big enough for two adults. Greyson was wearing a long-sleeved shirt to protect against the chill, reading something on a tablet, but he placed it on the bedside table when I arrived, looking me up and down.