Mother ~ The Sequel to Breeder

16

I let Leia do most of the talking, knowing I wouldn't be able to speak coherently with my mind still on Farrow thousands of miles away, in the clutches of the First Order. Han's eyes never left me or, more specifically, the baby in my arms, and I could feel the shock and confusion pouring off of him, but I pointedly avoid his gaze, bouncing and rocking Ben as he slowly dozed off.

"So is that-" Han paused, looking between his wife and me. "Is that my-"

"Yes," Leia said, exasperated he wasn't getting this as easily as she did. "Ben is your grandson."

The old man blinked, mouth agape, probably thinking about the past several hours we'd spent together, his son's child so close without him knowing. "Can I- may I hold him?"

"Of course," I said, passing Ben to his grandfather.

"You named him after-" Han glanced at the ceiling, blinking twice, and then staring back at me as though he wasn't crying. "You named him after that monster?"

"Don't say that," the general snapped, keeping her voice low so she wouldn't disturb the toddler. "Things can still change. He can still change."

"No, he can't. Our son is gone, Leia."

"But didn't you hear what she told you?" I said, feeling strangely defensive. "He's the one who helped me escape Starkiller Base."

"And since then, he's killed tens of thousands of people. He's not Ben Solo anymore, he's just a mask."

"That's not true-"

"Why are you defending him?"

I paused, my rebuttal dying in my mouth, and I diverted my eyes to the ground, ashamed. Why was I defending him? Everything Han said was utterly true; I saw the devastation Kylo Ren wreaked upon the Galaxy firsthand. He kidnapped Farrow. Han must've thought I was a horrible mother for defending my son's abductor. I couldn't make sense of my reasoning- I barely understood my own mind- and I resented his judgemental gaze.

Sensing my discomfort, Leia put a hand on her husband's arm. "She has hope; let her have it."

He scoffed, rocking his grandson. "Hope, in this instance, goes beyond foolishness. It's dangerous."

"I've been apart from Greyson for much too long." I approached Han, holding out my arms for Ben. This hadn't gone the way I wanted it to, Ben's grandfather not reaction nearly as well as his grandmother to the news. I tried not to hold it against him; it was an awful shock after all, right after the shock of seeing his only child for the first time in years.

Reluctantly, the old man returned the toddler to me. "I'd like to see that kid around more; he should be with family."

"He is with family," I replied sourly. "I'm his mother, and Greyson is his father."

"But he's not- not really."

"He is in every way that counts."

"Except in blood; that counts for a lot."

"Han," General Leia said sternly. "We should know as well as anyone that blood doesn't mean anything."

Cocking a grey-haired brow, he said, "I don't know that, and neither do you. Vader's blood is probably what has a hold on our son."

"We shouldn't blame my father for our poor decisions," she whispered.

Cheeks flushing dark pink, Han's gaze flicked over to me, then Leia, and back again. "I believe in my blood, too, you know. I don't have a family- never did. I've always been on my own and maybe things ought to stay that way."