Mother ~ The Sequel to Breeder

10

"You're his- but how could he- he never said-" I touched my forehead, sweat collecting on my fingertips. "He only ever talked about hating the Resistance, I can't believe-"

"Ben's changed a great deal since- since he considered himself my son. But I've never stopped being his mother."

I didn't respond, grateful that I was sitting down; otherwise, I might've passed out. When Ben showed me a clip of General Organa's speech, I thought he was bitter because she was an enemy of the First Order; I should've seen the personal vitriol in his eyes. Those deep brown eyes that mother and son both shared... mother, son, and grandson.

"You must hate me," Leia said. "For what Kylo Ren did to you."

"No, he-" I stopped myself, finding it hard to breathe. "I don't hate you; I don't hate him."

I don't? I've been living in fear of him finding me for years; I must hate him.

"He held me captive, but he also helped me escape."

The general exchanged a look with Commander D'Acy. "He helped you escape?"

"I saw-" I touched my stomach, as though Ben was still in there, still kicking inside my womb. "I saw a horrible vision, one about our son, what he'd become if I stayed on Starkiller Base, so Ben helped me escape."

"Show me," Leia implored.

"What?"

"Show me the vision."

Hesitating, I closed my eyes, recalling the horrible images that had haunted my nightmares for years, but this time, I felt pulled into them, the cold wind whipped my hair across my face, thunder and lightning crackling in the distance. Looking up, I saw my son, older, taller, so much like his birth father, except for those terrifying yellow eyes...

"No, please, no more." I gasped, shooting out of my seat and turning away from Leia, breath ragged and hot as it ripped from my lungs. "I can't go through that again, not after all I did to escape it."

Peaking over my shoulder, I saw the general leaning against her desk, hands face down on her knees, brows pinched together.

"Do you think-" I cleared my throat, trying to find my voice. "Do you think it worked? Did I save my son from that fate?"

Commander D'Acy glanced between us, clearly not following, but she was not the type to wear her confusion openly on her face. But when tears started spilling down Leia's cheeks, she couldn't stand idly by, approaching her mentor and putting a comforting arm around her shoulder. I inched in their direction, something pulling at me, urging me to join them and comfort my son's grandmother, but I stayed put. It felt wrong- I felt wrong, like an intruder in someone else's family portrait. Besides, if I knew anything, it was that blood didn't determine our relationships. Greyson was Ben's father, much more than Kylo Ren. So, really, I had no right to treat the woman before me as anything other than an acquaintance.

Straightening up, Leia dried her eyes, leaving behind subtle tear tracks on her wrinkled cheeks, an agonized smile on her mauve-painted lips. "What you've shown me- I can't imagine how you've survived this long carrying such a burden; you are unimaginably brave. I take this threat very seriously, but- I must confess- I do not want to be General Organa right now. In fact, I can't be a soldier or a leader in my current state."

She approached me, taking my hand in hers, and I felt her weathered skin, the tips of her nails skimming my knuckles. "Right now, I'm just Leia: the mother, the grandmother, the woman, the person. And I want nothing more than to see my grandson."

Back in my apartment, Paige and the kids were playing hide and go seek.

"Here's Klint," she said, easily finding my oldest son who barely bothered hiding, rolling his eyes at the childish game.