Isnt life a bitch

A beautiful mistake? Or the painful truth

My heart was racing, there was a fine layer of sweat on both our bodies as we laid in my bed my head on his chest and his arms around me holding me close. Neither of us wanted to speak I didn't want to risk having him leave me.

My heart was out on display I was laying here in his arms so vulnerable I was almost too nervous to breathe it's not every day you make a man cheat on his wife, well for me it's not... His heartbeat echoed in my head over and over as his chest heaved trying to catch his breath "Beth?" my heart stopped...I was scared to move "Yes?" my voice shook as I spoke I was nervous borderline terrified "We can't ever tell anyone about this..." I knew that's how it would have to be but I didn't like hearing it this was the man of my dreams who I loved was trying to keep me a secret... I sat up and pulled the sheet around me as I got dressed "I-I think you should go John" he sat up as well looking at me like I had just told him his mother died (A/N yikes... sorry) "what? Why?" Why? Are you kidding me? "Uh gee I don't know maybe the fact we just had sex and now your trying to hide the fact we slept together? It's like a slap in the face!" I had laid in his arm with my guard down and my heart out on my sleeve... I had only let this happen one other time with Johnny and that was the night I had almost died "and I'm a married man with a daughter!" He snapped back at me... Seems like all we do is fight now or reject each other "you don't want to leave here! Allow me!" I stormed out of my apartment my anger fuming and teeth grit.

A 2-hour slow stroll around the city had helped my anger so I decided to go home, the odds of him still being there are slim to none. As I opened my door the room was silent I let out a sigh of relief putting my keys down on the table taking off my jacket "Can we talk now without biting my head off?" I think I almost crapped myself right then! his voice came from my bed where he had been sitting reading over the scattered sheets of paper "Do you really feel this way?" holding up a scribbled note that i had written all I could do was shrug I can never lie to him he always saw right through me "you really had a suicide letter written?" he got up and walked towards me his hands rested on my shoulder "Beth... you never had to stay away I still care about you and would do anything for you"